the beauty of snow

love the way you lie.

2010-06-28T22:33:00.003+08:00

just gonna stand there and watch me burn
that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
just gonna stand there and hear me cry
that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

we’re running right back, here we go again
so insane, cause when it’s going good it’s going great
but when it’s bad it’s awful, I feel so ashamed I snap

maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
all I know is I love you too much to walk away though

have you ever
ever loved somebody so much you can barely breathe?
ever loved somebody so much you know why love hurts?
ever loved somebody so much you'd kill yourself for them?

2010-06-26T22:14:00.006+08:00

I Dreamed A Dream - Les Miserables

[Fantine]
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

------

i don't know who's right and who's wrong any more.

just going to leave my heart, my life and my future happiness in God's hands.

at least i know He'll take care of them(:

even if you won't.

self-portraits.

2010-02-24T21:30:00.002+08:00

it's been like the millionth time in a while that i realise again that whenever i post anything it's only to put the bad, sad times into words, just to get it all off my heart. although it's in no way a close portrayal of what the emotions paint, but who cares anyway.

i told myself, once, that i should stop posting when i'm sad and post when i'm happy, before someone actually calls up the counsellor and dumps me in for counselling or whatever; but now i realise that that's almost impossible. since no one reads this any more, i think. it's practically become my personal diary, but i guess...it's good, perhaps.

[although i can't decide if that means you've just stopped caring about the state of my heart any more. it doesn't matter to me now, i guess you're too busy for this already. i guess i don't mind.]

i suppose if you asked me how i'm measuring my life right now, it's not by the blogposts. my msn nicks are more accurate portrayals of what i'm feeling; since it changes with my moods instantaneously. maybe i should just keep logs of when i change them; it'd make more sense.

and it'd record far happier moments; the ones i really miss.

though it probably wouldn't mean less of all the tears, heartbreak, and bleakness.

because i haven't had a fully happy pm in ages. look closer; even the ones that seem like they came from my sunshine facade have double meanings.

tell me, will you - what is wrong with me nowadays, that you entirely have me at your mercy?

when you bother talking to me again, that is.

i doubt it'll be tonight. or tomorrow or saturday or sunday. maybe not even monday. maybe not for the whole week. goodness knows; and i can only wait, as everything reminds me of...everything we had (still have?).

mishmash.

2010-01-05T00:00:00.002+08:00

first post of the new year, and this is another hodgepodge-thrown-together random mash of words.

and ideas.

and just.. random things.

someone told me once, that pink eyes were prettier
inlaid with diamonds and sparkles

i remember i want a trinity ring

and i need lots and lots of colour around me

black and white things are pretty
but maybe because the skies are almost always black

the last time i drank anything was about twelve hours ago

i believe i wasn't supposed to, even then

i used to wonder if roses were red because blood ran in them
and if you sliced open a petal, would it all flow out

i'm curious, though -
can people go blind from crying?

one of my lobsters is going to moult

isn't it good that they can shed old things away?

but i guess the damage's permanent-
the rest cut off both its pincers and the scars are visible

should i put rainbow-coloured things around its tank to cheer it up?

or is it just a human thing to like rainbows

sometimes i wonder why i like rainbows and colour

because i like what's most like me
or because i've lost my own set of paints?

same goes for stars, and the night sky

have i also told you, that i talk to everything?

people just don't listen, sometimes
other times, you must learn - to shut up

but you can say anything to everything

is it possible to love too much?

philo teacher: what is love, and who defines too much?

i love that subject, yet too much thinking
spoils the beauty of a simplistic answer

the stars are all hiding tonight

and the stray cats are dishearteningly quiet

no noise?

oh, but i love the sound of rushing water

and mousehunt just gave me 45 points per horn
even when i'm sounding every 20 minutes instead of 15

no one's awake, even now?

it's only 12.49am

the streetlights outside are spoilt

my new best friend is 2am
but yeah, i haven't seen her in ages

so i make do with her twin sister of quiet dark corners

and an imaginary cat on my lap that haunts my thoughts
even when i've tried keeping it away

somehow, it always finds an open door
and holds me hostage, tied up with balls of roses

i feel like i just swept a whole lot of cobwebs and junk out of my brain.

pity you can't throw thoughts away.

[无话可说]

2009-12-17T21:15:00.000+08:00

有时候，真不懂是怎么一回事。

说好了生气只气一天，隔天早上恢复正常；这次谁先毁约，你自己清楚。

可是无所谓 - 总之是我自找的。有很多很多的事情，我是不能怪罪你，最终只有以泪水哄自己去睡。是谁的错我已经学会不管了，追究有什么用？反正任何事情令你不开心，我也认定是我的错了。

--------

回家路上和 D 一起走，边聊天边吐出了心事。她一直告诉我，根本就不了解我到底欣赏你哪一点；她说她认为倒过来是你应该觉得幸福、是你该哄我开心，不是没几天就吵个天翻地覆。可是又想起你平常做的小举动，那些使我开心、让我知道还有人关心我爱我的举动，你知道我多想念吗。

整天都失魂落魄的样子，多少次做了糊涂的事情，多少次完全无法专心，多少次想哭却哭不出来，你也不会了解。

是泪水哭干了吗？我自己都不知道。

她说我也够笨的；怎么会爱到如此痴心绝对的地步。还说我应该和多其他人一起走，才会了解自己想找的是怎样的人。我嘴上给她了敷衍的答案，心中却如此明白想要的，至少已曾经拥有。

曾有一天，你爱上了一个人。她每当口气显得严重了点你就担心让她生气了，甚至她稍微不开心你都不舍得。你日思夜想就只想得到她这颗心，终于得到了。现在每三两天就生她的气，她几乎每次晚上甚至凌晨才好不容易哭睡着。有一次她说是因为让你不开心而生自己的气、因为伤了你的心痛恨自己哭成一场，你回了一句话： “你太爱哭了。”

每个深爱着心上人的女孩，总会把任何伤了他的心的事算在自己头上，也从来不会怪他。

就算要了她的心肝，只要能让你开心，什么都行。

就算是你觉得她开始够厌烦了，不想再要了，她还是会笑中含泪，掩藏深深插入心里的刀，放你走。

希望的也只有同样的一件事 - 你开心就好。

days of sunshine and nights of thunder;

2009-12-03T22:50:00.003+08:00

this will be a hodgepodge of everything life has been.

1. rocks.

i still remember i read somewhere that those huge huge rocks in random deserts are amazingly brittle, despite their size. because the midday sun bakes them and they expand, but the icy desert nights cool them and they contract. and the frequent expansion/contraction cycle means they're terribly stressed internally, and any strong wind will just make them crumble.

and all life has been doing, is nothing but slowly wearing me down. i'm tired of the ups and downs. they're too frequent and sudden for me to take - within one day i get extremes of happiness and depression.

will i go mad, someday? God forbid, but if that is meant to be, i won't oppose it. i don't have the strength to. i don't even have the strength to pick myself up every time you make me fall - i wait for you to put me back together.

2. dolphins.

again, something i read somewhere - dolphins have a permanent smile; it's genetically etched on their faces. so no one can tell what they're really feeling inside, no one except themselves. it could be a depressed or even suicidal dolphin for all you know, and it'd still be smiling at you.

if you see a smile, or hear a happy note, remember: it could all just be another facade, another permanent, fake smile.

3. bleeding love.

i don't need to elaborate. don't ask me to. [ref: the full lyrics, and previous posts.]

4. a fairly scratched dragon, and a kitten cooked to a crisp.

it's honestly stupid to fight wars that hurt everyone and don't do any good.

idk why they still are fought, really.

5. mirages.

things you think are for real, but actually don't exist.

correction: things you think are for real which actually don't exist, and yet exist in that figment of imagination your brain cooked up; a fantasy you wish to believe.

6. broken things, shards of glass. stained glass.

just lying on the floor in pieces. the little things that no one notices, but are the proof of things, probably beautiful things at that, broken and gone, perhaps never to be rescued again?

or maybe they were just never appreciated in the first place.

7. ice, and snowdrops.

i've always liked finding shapes in things. first clouds, then the waves in the sea, and now ice blocks.

so the next time you see a little drop of ice or snow, it might have just been a frozen tear. don't bother asking where it came from, though; it's lost. you're not likely to trace it back to where it came from.

8. sunshine, and rainbows.

beautiful moments, and times you'd want to spend with the people you love.

pity they are but fleeting moments, grasping at time flowed away.

in summary:
seven days and seven nights of thunder? maybe more. with the crippling wind railing away.

bland, mildly interestingly flavoured bread interspersed with rich creamy sweet strawberry sauce, drowned ruthlessly in the bitterest dark coffee.

with blocks of liquid nitrogen thrown furiously at it, to add fractures to injuries.

very nosy things, too.

there was a time where i'd have considered ending everything in a matter of seconds.

but now i can't.

too bad that i'm past my threshold, then. maybe it's breaking point, maybe it's not. does anyone care?

[no. does anyone -still- care?]

disjointed images.

2009-11-22T23:35:00.012+08:00

spent ages mulling over how to structure this; then i gave up on all the rest and jumped back into my love for pictures.

seven days and seven nights of thunder
the water's rising and i'm slipping under

maybe you never realised, never realised
how much it's draining out of me
the who i used to be

you gave me a rainbow
a psychedelic sunrise

but all it took was for the winds to change
and i'd have seven days and seven nights of thunder
all over again.

only
i'd have no one left to pick me up.

frozen right down to the very heart
overreaction, you say

but if i didn't care
i wouldn't have frozen over
with you.

haven't you, haven't you
heard
that too much fire and too much ice
will just weaken anything at its core

that flowers bleed far more
even as they draw blood from you

that there was a reason
you never endured a blizzard
or concentric rings of flame
like your own?

but i suppose life goes on.

i guess you'll come back and pick me up
someday
my happycat will find his happy back
and then kitty will be fine.

freeze fracture.

2009-11-17T11:13:00.004+08:00

the power of a gun can kill
and the power of fire can burn
the power of wind can chill
and the power of the mind can learn
the power of anger can rage
inside until it tears you apart
while the power of a blizzard
especially yours
can freeze fracture a bequeathed heart
but the power of a rainbow at dawn
especially yours
can save a tormented wretch.

sometimes, life feels exactly like this.

i doubt i have the strength to put all the pieces back together any more;
they've fallen apart and been put together and fallen apart again too many times.

i'm just waiting for that rainbow of a smile to fix everything.

before the next snowstorm blows half the shards away.

the pruning of the rose.

2009-11-16T22:20:00.003+08:00

"you asked me why roses should bloom, if they just hurt the ones they bloom for. and i replied; if you treat them with love and gentleness, you'll never be hurt, and they'll bloom all the prettier."

but some roses get honestly depressed when they do. some get so tired of causing hurt all the time they just wilt.

you said it yourself; you have to treat roses with love and gentleness.

i don't suppose, though - when a wayward rose refuses to grow the way you want it to, and you end up strangulating it just to bend it to your will [and goodness knows how many cuts you've got there], i don't suppose you realised it could feel guilty.

enough to wish it was never made this way. enough to wish it could be like some common daisy, without any thorns at all. enough to wish it never had the capacity to hurt anyone.

enough to hate the very things that define its fundamental existence.

enough to want to kill them all off.

no more thorns. no more strong-willed heart of fiery red. no more unyielding stem that snaps in too strong a thunderstorm. and perhaps best of all, no more leaves that collect rainwater.

who cares if after all that, it isn't even a rose anymore. it'll give you anything you want, even if it ruins itself entirely.

and i guess you never need to know; i don't count the tears anyway.

goodbye high-spirited crazy rose;
hello meek spineless daisy.

it's shining rain;

2009-11-07T21:50:00.002+08:00

i don't get it, i really don't.

why do i have such a propensity for spoiling everything for everyone else?

it was a beautiful rainbow you painted, i swear. and i was this close to running all over on it thinking i owned the world.

before someone spilt water all over the painting and all the colours faded into white paper.

but i don't care. i refuse to let the rain that's shining now blot away the rainbow in my heart. i refuse to let my memory of it be shredded. even if you insist on it.

though i won't deny it's breaking my heart; the fact that you wanted me to forget all about it.

i refuse.

peeking into corners

2009-10-28T21:18:00.003+08:00

when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, or so they say.

but what if your blender's too full of lemons to cope with any further influx of [ironically] bright yellow citrus fruits?

i seem to have ended up peeking into lots of corners lately. while waiting for those lemons to be quashed into lemonade, that is.

i end up walking into them and prodding miserably at their dust-bunnies, or meowing and curling up [and flopping on paws, too] and staring into their deepest darkest depths trying to tell myself that there are far darker places than the ones i turned my back upon. [all the while attempting not to spoil the possible delusion by thinking that perhaps no one ever ends up in those cobwebby alcoves anyway.]

or perhaps sweeping those pesky imaginary grey bunnies away with a swish of the tail and trying to grow little roses in the corner. or just twitching the tail all over while i tear the whiskers [and a fair amount of fur] out.

[oh, don't bother trying the roses. they just wilt; there's not enough sunshine. either that, or they don't see enough of the psychedelic sky and pine away.]

or very rarely, i completely clean the corner out. half-blind attacks of fury on every dust mote, coupled with a complete, draining wash-out.

then i collapse in bed, the patterns i meant to trace on the ceiling just scribbles behind my eyelids.

some nights, i go corner-hunting in my dreams, too.

strange, isn't it; that my stuffed dog drowns in those fantasy floods too?

pocketful of sunshine

2009-10-22T22:22:00.000+08:00

well itunes is playing all the beautiful songs today, somehow, which made me realise that i should post not just to rant, but to remember the little bursts of sunshine too.

[much as i am in somewhat of a ranting mood, but nah forget it. i realise i'm in too much of a grey mood half the time to actually remember when the sunlight peeks through the clouds, so i will attempt to dispense with it. for now, at least.]

restructured timetable ftw, anyway. so much timeeee yayy.

i close my eyes and the flashback starts, i'm standing there

look at me; am i really alone with you?

the little stolen quiet moments, and the music that only two can hear [and sing to]; the rhythm, the beats, the seemingly imaginary yet very real tempo.

you can hear the waves, in underwater caves
as if you actually were inside a saltwater room

the silver sound is all around
and the colours fall like snow

but nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
and in this world of loneliness i see your face

time together is just never quite enough
when you and i are alone i've never felt so at home

perhaps it's because they're never enough that makes those snippets and snapshots of time more dear than they already are.

the tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty
that we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of the highest power

cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
i'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins

yeah i've realised that on those days where the sunrays drop by to say hello, the sky through the gaps in the clouds is a beautiful rainbow. all the colours from white to black to the richest pink.

sometimes i wish i wouldn't make it black so often, but i suppose the stormclouds are necessary for the roses in the garden to bloom.

in lonely hours, the tears devour you..

that's when i take out my precious pocketfuls of sunshine and let them dance around in my little house of a heart.
~~although sometimes i cry when the thunder outside gets too loud.~~
when we're apart whatever are you thinking of?

absolute, humming silence.

2009-09-26T20:00:00.000+08:00

silence (n). absence of sound, speech.
synonyms: blackout, calm, censorship, dead air, death, dumbness, hush, hush-hush, inarticulateness, iron curtain, laconism, lull, muteness, noiselessness, peace, quiescence, quiet, quietness, quietude, quietus, reserve, reticence, saturninity, secrecy, sleep, speechlessness, still, stillness, sulk, sullenness, taciturnity, uncommunicativeness.
antonyms: clamor, communication, noise, talk.

-- from thesaurus.com.

i used to look at pictures of glaciers and wish i could have their eternal peace; their grand, majestic, yet somehow seemingly carefree aura.

but i never realised how agonising it must be, to be one.

when every moment feels like you're frozen at that point in time; you're trapped there, you can't move.
when everything feels so frigid even your very heart's turned icy
when the sun's warm rays have turned into mere pretentious, indifferent glares
when your consciousness slips away, in little subtle shreds
when you feel like letting everything go and the darkness engulf you in its tears

when all that keeps you moving, in painful slow motion
is the piercing cold that bleeds you so the pain keeps you awake.

--------
i've had a really terrible week.

it's honestly very demoralising to feel like an absolute waste of space; to have people tell you how annoying or useless you are.

i'm sick of it
sick of crying my eyes out every day
sick of having almost no one to talk to just to keep the sanity, because i seem to have pissed everyone that matters off.

in fact i wonder, if tuesday wasn't my birthday, whether i would have spent one more day in tears, feeling utterly.. idk. wretched. depressed. idk.

it's almost lost its significance when you look at the week as a whole, anyway.

but i suppose it doesn't matter already. i'm numbed to feeling like i never matter to anyone half the time.
~~promises are getting harder to keep; the irony in that the promises to not do anything idiotic literally are killing me figuratively to keep.~~
too bad, right.

perhaps locking myself up in my room would be better. i'm going.

on different ends of the rainbow

2009-09-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

well i thought chele had it bad enough when her mum switched off her wireless just like that.

until i got the com switch flicked on me, in the middle of pw discussion some more.

and all because i said 'no i will not bathe now i have a pw discussion going on.'

then when i get out of the shower i get another lecture on how incorrigible i am by answering so rudely [seriously, wth?!] and i can't even answer the phone knowing that sam's calling me to chase me to get back online to continue the discussion because we are horridly behind and we have volcanoloads of things left to do.

sometimes, just sometimes

i hate my life.

used to be that whenever they got creative like that, i'd be even more artistic, with my wretched mind dancing with twisted blood-roses and starry glimmering blades.

but not any more; i promised. a promise that's taking all of me to keep, but i'm keeping it anyway.

mood: absolutely annoyed little blue diamond tear-breathing dragon with too-small wings to fly away.

--------
on a starkly different perspective.

there was this blind man on the bus on the way back.

after much sweeping around with his stick and much clashing into the railings he managed to stand up. and with every step he'd sweep around for the next railing. and painstakingly grope for it. until he got to the door, which was next to where i was standing.

asked me if the next stop was the stop for him, telling me where he was going.

yeah it is; i'm getting off at the next stop too.
oh okay thank you.
where are you going, uncle.
mm lorong 5. not too far, just up the steps a while from the bus stop.

the bus stops at the traffic lights quite a while before the bus stop. he, with much effort in his sweep - feel for railing - hold on routine, tries to get off, thinking he's already there.

ehh uncle we're not there yet!
oh really ah. -sighs- thank you.

and there he is, having gotten out of his seat, having to balance so precariously on a bus. when most of us blessed sighted people can barely balance properly while standing ourselves.

so we get home. the doors open. he pauses for a few seconds at the door, his stick probing for the pavement before he takes the rather big step down.

all this while i am hoping he doesn't fall while he goes down the steps.

or up the steps to go home, for the matter.

and so begins his sweeping, fleeting perspective of his way home.

he knows where the traffic light signal box is, veered right five steps before it to avoid it and still stay on the pavement. but he turned too much, found himself sweeping into the grass.

checked his course; painstaking step by painstaking step shifting left by what seemed like angle by angle.

shuffle, shuffle. sweep, sweep, sweep. shuffle. sweep. shuffle, shuffle.

stops too far before the staircase he's supposed to go up, faces the blank grass verge before him, and taps around in vain.

and i felt so pained for him, looking at the momentary worried, anguished look on his brow.

but he turns more to his left, taps and sweeps around some more, and hazards a few more steps.

turns right. aha, he's at the banisters. sweep, sweep, prod, prod -where are the steps, i can hear him thinking- swee..clank.

slow extending hand feeling for the memory of a cold hard banister.

slow careful feet taking the steps one at a time, one at a time. one.

traffic lights turn green.

i cross the road.

turn back, wanting to look and make sure he climbed the stairs safely.

all that's left is an empty staircase, and the back of his head disappearing into the distance.

i could almost hear his stick sweeping against the gravel, up there, across the road.

mood: tiny kitten realising the beauty of almost taken-for-granted flowers.

--------
and i thought that was -it- for the day until we realised we have freaking pw to rush. -rolls eyes- murphy's law indeed.

but well, hence the hastily last-minute arranged meeting tmr in school.

i hate last minute meetings. and going back to school to do pw? oh well.

and the rotten cherry on top of the sour cake is that i'm now locked out of my own laptop, thanks to my brothers.

mood: miniscule sparrow drenched and shivering in the relentless downpour.

--------
all in all, long post, long rant; overall, NOT good.

goodbye, cold obsidian night; hello, stony charcoal morning.

guess i won't be seeing the colour in my sky at all tomorrow.

sigh.

i hate this.

mood: disgusted. exhausted. drained. just.. horribly resigned to it all.

rosethorns.

2009-09-15T20:22:00.003+08:00

and sometimes i wonder

if roses ever feel guilty when the thorns they grow in self-defence draw blood from the very people they bloom for
because i do. even if it wasn't my fault in the first place.
perhaps they do, and every dewdrop on every rose leaf is bitter with heartache.
because i do. even if it wasn't my fault in the first place.

freeze fracture

2009-09-14T19:30:00.001+08:00

can you imagine
if, because of one mildly cool autumn breeze, all the flowers in the world would catch a chill and spontaneously freeze and disintegrate into uncountable jewel shards?

thankfully, only one in the entire world does that.

if only the tears would die and stop blooming across everywhere i look

if only they would freeze and shatter into a thousand million invisible pieces

just like the transient rose.

just another rambling rose

2009-09-08T22:09:00.004+08:00

because love is quite the fairest flower of all.
you know what my favourite [non-metaphorical] flower is.

owl city manic.

2009-09-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

goodness it's been so long since i last went crazy over such awesome music.

but owl city really really owns; their songs are such lovely works of art.

think whimsical images, but an overall beautiful message of love. i know it doesn't really make sense if you haven't seen how they fit so impeccably, yet it's just so, so beautiful in the end.

yeah; i'm a sucker for masterful juxtaposition. oh and the cute imagery hahaha anyone who reads my writing knows how much i love imagery. done this way, perfect.

and chele it's your fault we're both stuck on that song, but ahhhhhh♥

The Saltwater Room - Owl City

I opened my eyes last night
And saw you in the low light
Walking down by the bay on the shore
Staring up at the planes that weren't there any more

I was feeling the night grow old
And you were looking so cold
Like an introvert i drew my overshirt
Around my arms and began to shiver violently before
You happened to look and see the tunnels all around me
Moving into the dark underground
All the subways around create a great sound

To my motion fatigue: farewell
With your ear to a seashell
You can hear the waves in underwater caves
As if you actually were inside a saltwater room

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love
We need time, only time

When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what i call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time

Can you believe that the crew has gone
And wouldn't let me sign on
All my islands have sunk in the deep
So i can hardly relax or even oversleep

I feel as if I were home, some nights
When we count all the ship lights
I guess I’ll never know
Why sparrows love the snow
We’ll turn off all of the lights and set this ballroom aglow

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time~

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time

When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what i call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time

Time together is just never quite enough
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time~

i'm beginning to want one of their albums. Maybe I'm Dreaming is nice; or Ocean Eyes. or anything with Vanilla Twilight in it; i can't remember which that song is from, but ahh it's like one of the best ever i've heard. hmm, anyone not sure what to get me for my birthday? (x

nah, i'm kidding. but i'll get them. someday.

now i'm off to sleep, with owl city's melodies, adorable images, and sweet lyrics dancing around in my head while i drift off into dreamland... ♥(:

p.s. yes someone remind me to post about teachers' day! soon!

looks like falling stars will just keep falling..

2009-08-31T19:15:00.007+08:00

sometimes you just wonder if you ever grow up and learn from your mistakes.

used to be that i'd just say whatever i thought, in all my innocence.

you just don't think before you say anything, girl.

so i tried. i stopped saying anything i thought would be hurtful or insensitive.

looks like it never works anyway;
doubt just works its way into wherever it can.

yeah, you just don't think before you say anything, stupid girl.

perhaps i should just go all out and hide everything i have to say
perhaps stock answers are just what people are looking for
perhaps, like how certain lit teachers mark lit essays, they're not looking for your perspective at all; they're asking you to echo theirs.

perhaps.

before someone tells me -

dammit, you really don't think before you speak, you IDIOT.

sometimes i feel like i'm haunted by doubt and fear; and they appear when i least expect them to

or maybe it's just me
for i'm extremely vulnerable to emotional highs and lows these few days

then again, does that even matter already.

one summer's day

2009-08-29T21:45:00.008+08:00

so many things in too short a time..

but i still am thankful.
for God has kept me by His side all this while
for He has given me strength when others are weak, that i may give them strength too.

and for the two angels that are always with me when i need them, too♥

--------
heard this song on the way back, some chinese song my dad used to sing when we were young-

童年时候多自在样样都可爱歌
哥哥天天上学去我等着他回来词
我问爸爸何时我也让那校车载
爸爸笑着对我说一步一步来

上了学校才知道考试不可爱魁
上课总是看手表哎哟假期几时来
我问老师何时才能将那方帽戴
老师笑着对我说一步一步来

太阳下山明早依旧爬上来
夜里不要通宵看那录像带
花儿谢了明年还是一样地开
考不好未必有机会重头来

十七八岁多古怪学人谈恋爱
情书写了十多封在车站苦等待　
吃饭跳舞真不坏送她回家说 goodnight　
她的妈妈开门说你给我一步一步来
　
毕了业我才知道社会更可爱　
应徵前后几十次只有一次没失败　
薪水不敢说出来夜里要把工开　
现在行情坏我的老板说你要一步一步来
　
太阳下山明早依旧爬上来　
星期天能不能慢点爬上来　
花儿谢了明年还是一样地开　
哪家公司今年又将人员裁
　
结了婚我才知道什么叫做债　
老婆总算娶回来没钱生小乖乖　
家具电器真不赖价钱更精彩　
夜夜缤纷看开怀其他一步一步来

什么时候驾着车往儿子学校开　
放学的儿子告诉我他明天考天才　
天才不是人人做平凡也不坏　
我说搭巴士也要把队排你要一步一步来

太阳下山明早依旧爬上来　
高楼再高它还是要爬上来　
花儿谢了明年还是一样地开　
只要空气还没污染得太坏

太阳下山明早依旧爬上来　
我的青春匆匆地铁那样快　
花儿谢了明年还是一样地开　
人生最好还是一步一步来

and i was thinking-
太阳下山明早依旧爬上来, 可是时间过了就不回头来; 花儿谢了明年还是一样地开, 人生最终要珍惜才不后悔...

bottom line; unexpected things happen. and since we can't ever predict anything, it's best to just treasure everything you've been blessed with thus far, and never take them for granted.

for even the littlest things count...
[dragonfruit is now the best expression of love, if you ask me; the last thing she did for him.]
--------
magnificent clear skies and lush green fields
white fluffy cotton clouds and crisp summer air

such a beautiful day, it was.

but it was so, so surreal..

chocolate.

2009-08-12T00:14:00.001+08:00

chocolate.
perhaps i should stop writing so much-

experiments with bittersweetness mean
i just end up obsessing with darker and darker chocolate.

and my last piece of chocolate shall be nonexistent

not in this world, at least;
for it has kept too much of my bitterest ones.

inkheart [encrypted]

2009-08-03T15:04:00.004+08:00

i will survive.
after all, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

if the lemons have turned as juiceless as stone, then remember
that life is like a diamond; for only after intense pressure and strain does it gain its eternal lustre.

for i love their shine;

peace.

2009-08-02T19:08:00.004+08:00

peace.
zhaokai got me stuck on hillsongs again, by virtue of last friday's freeblock where he randomly asked eugene to play one of their songs on his guitar.

it's a good thing, and i'm glad he did, for i found a few nice songs that i've been putting on repeat since ytd.

been taking comfort from them too, and just in general using them as a refuge from all the things i've been upset with this couple of days..

honestly it's awesome, the amount of inner peace you can get just through prayer; praise the Lord. sometimes when i'm tired of just about everything, it's where i get my strength from(:

and i suppose they'll still be on repeat, for these few days at least, while i ask for forgiveness for all the hurt that i've been causing.
i hope you realise that i don't want to see you upset, much less make you upset
because i love you.

it doesn't matter.

2009-08-01T19:11:00.003+08:00

it doesn't matter.

honestly.
think back and talk to me
do you think i'm wasting my time
doing things i wanna do?
but it hurts when you disapprove
all along.

and now i try hard to make it
i just want to make you proud
i'm never gonna be good enough for you
i can't pretend that i'm alright

[i'm sorry; i can't be perfect.]

endless loop.

2009-07-26T22:48:00.004+08:00

endless loop.
it's still on repeat,

that song.
[the number of blessings you used to need to count just to make you happy again; you used to.]

again.

2009-07-25T19:34:00.012+08:00

again.
i really should stop listening to sad songs.
crypted, again;
the key is the lock itself.
it's up there.

again.

and yet i love these bittersweet things,
especially the ones that make me cry so bad.
for it's because they mean all the more

wolfcry; [encrypted.]

2009-07-19T01:28:00.007+08:00

hidden.
before you ask me for the key, this much i shall say -
to open this writing you need to know, something has been locked and the key buried
a little bird will unearth the way; robin is your friend.
not forgetting that i read too much for my own good.
[yes it's the title of a book, no caps.]
the lock itself is concealed too; but just one click is all you need, to find out where to put the key. you may enter thereafter.

Show encrypted text

of green tea.

2009-07-17T22:42:00.003+08:00

of green tea.
bittersweet it was
first sweet, darkening into bitterness
not a miserable bitterness, but quite like that of ice wine
perfect without, yet nonetheless worth
the momentary cringe

while it sheds its chrysalis
and the legendary ethereal sweetness
flutters into existence ever so
delicately

pity the more you try
to net and bottle its shimmering radiance
the more it dances, out
of your reach, control;
but not your mind...

that dear bottle's still in my fridge
the sweet, lovely elixir too precious to deplete
but oh - how befitting
that like only gives rise to like, mm?

phoenix waltz;

2009-07-14T23:20:00.003+08:00

phoenix waltz;
closed off from love, i didn't need the pain
once [or twice] was enough, and it was all in vain
time starts to pass; before you know it you're frozen..

but something happened for the very first time with you
my heart melted to the ground, found something true

i hear you, in my dreams,
you're all i see;
as the world keeps spinning round
you hold me here, right here right now

i know this is a feeling that i just can't hide
you're the first and last thing on my mind;
you make me wanna hold you till the morning light

i remember the days we spent together were not enough
and we used to feel like dreaming except we always woke up
never thought not having you here now would hurt so much..

when i said go, i never meant away
you ought to know the freaky games we play
could you forgive and learn how to forget
hear me as i'm calling out your name

how can i not love you; what do i tell my heart
when do i not want you here in my arms
how does one waltz away from all of the memories
how do i not miss you, when you are gone

you've been the only thing that's right
in all i've done
and i can barely look at you
but every single time i do
i know we'll make it anyway
away from here

firefly come back to me
make the night as bright as day
i'll be looking out for you
tell me that you're lonely too;
firefly come lead me on
follow you into the sun
that's the way it ought to be
firefly come back to me

and every night i miss you i can just look up
and know the stars are holding you, holding you
holding you, tonight

for we know shooting stars last eternally
it's just that the others catch but fleeting glimpses of them.

they never found out, did they -
about anticlockwise pirouettes and quiet stolen moments

they'll never understand the dancing glances
where mangofish come alive and water features are for swimming in

for all the dreams you made memories;♥

i know why the bright stars hide.

2009-07-10T20:37:00.004+08:00

i know why the bright stars hide.
have grades become everything, honestly

i still can't figure it out how people can get so annoyed with you because you did better than them

i should just hide my grades from everyone except my family, isn't it

i know why zk's so reluctant to reveal his grades every time now. and why jiejun told me not to tell anyone his chem grades. but really, is it wrong to get the grades you deserve after all the work you put in?

i'm missing the rg days even more now - back then it never mattered what you got to others; people never hated the top in class, in fact they wanted her paper all the more so they could learn from it. they never got jealous of her grades, they used it as a benchmark, as a target. and in the end, everyone gets motivated to study well and do better and better.

shouldn't how that everything should be, even now?

i miss the days where i could go out with my friends after the exam results came back and all of us would just be happy we had each other, even when they were the ones not doing so well for the very test i topped the class with. i miss the days where people were so gracious about the good grades you got, no matter what they got. i miss the days where our lives didn't seem to be so torturously run by our grades; we valued friendship far above.

but life moves on and things have changed; i guess i should just learn to shut up about what i get from now on.

now i know why the bright stars hide.

because if they don't, everyone else shoots them down.

of all the times i've cried over my grades, it's the first time i've cried so hard about getting my A's. the irony of it all.
'can you stop being so brilliant please you're showing the rest of us up', indeed
and the best thing is, only yiting seems to care; no one else does

silence is golden.

2009-07-08T23:20:00.002+08:00

silence is golden.
evidently i've been arguing against this rather in vain all the time, and since i keep getting proven wrong time and time again, so.

end of story time to shut up and hide everything inside not like what i think people should do matters anyway besides it's not up to me to comment or judge.

~~hsllg nv gsilfts gsv svzig horg nb gsilzg zmw hrovmxv nb elrxv.~~

little perplexities.

2009-07-02T16:13:00.002+08:00

little perplexities.
is it just me, or has the subtle become too subtle, and the telepathy so invisible it's outdone itself into inexistence?

is my wish upon a star losing its reassuring radiance...? i'd like to think not, but idk any more.

i'm sick of studying. but i don't really care if anyone else doesn't care.

yeah, anyone -else-.

yeah, it's been one hell of a crazy weekend.

2009-06-22T19:41:00.002+08:00

yeah, it's been one hell of a crazy weekend.
saturday:
i think my pw groupmates and i were once more reminded of the fragility of life - sam had to cut short his trip to malaysia because his grandad was about to pass on.. i have no idea how he's coping now; it's really hard to tell, but we're all hoping he's alright. [shin says he didn't reply her message, and he only went 'oh okaz..' to mine, so ><] i highly doubt sam knows of the existence of this little space here, but if somehow you do and you're reading this now, just remember that shin and i will [and have been] praying for you, so be strong, and God bless(:

it's kinda hard to imagine that all we have now is but transient, and that they may be taken away from us any time.. is that why people take things for granted always?

i'm trying not to.

sunday:
haha safra championships = epic. shan't say more already, except that i realised how important it is for your sight to be tuned well enough such that your aim will be true. and how important endurance and strength is; a 37point drop between the two rounds is kinda inexcusable. and i guess i should just be happy, cuz to be shooting better than normal at your first competition is impressive enough, apparently. and hehh somehow my bow's poundage scares people; still remember mildred [the girl who shot besides me] going 'omg YOU'RE DRAWING 32 POUNDS?! my bow's only 25 pounds, and i've been shooting for longer and you're so much smaller than i am! O:' well whatever la haha i'm just glad i didn't screw up as badly as i did during training, and that i finally got my 3-digit score for both rounds. yayy.

what happened after comp was a different matter, though; but i'm not saying any more about it.

it just puts me in a really bad mood. let's just say that no one likes to be unappreciated.

--------

and we all say that we'll learn to appreciate everything we have before they're all taken away and gone forever, but do we really?

i'll try to; still am.
it's just getting increasingly difficult when the people around you don't appreciate you for who you are, and you get upset with them all the time for that.

只为了你动笔

2009-06-13T23:23:00.004+08:00

只为了你动笔
也只允许你阅(:

无瑕的不完美-

果真是光阴似箭；不知不觉地，已过了一个季节
是充满了风霜、饱经了雷雨
但最令人难以忘怀的还是那艳丽的日出
是每一次雨过天晴轻轻划出的彩虹
是每一次下过雪留下那完美、精巧的雪花

我们选择的这一条路也许起初不好走
它陡、它不平、到处时时刻刻拐弯
也许有时看不见未来的柔光

但是绝不能忘
紧紧的相拥激起的火花
要记得
重新点燃心中的烈火
就再也不怕外头有多黑、多暗

因为没了星光无所谓
凭着心光已足够
手相牵探着路
一定会走出浓林越过山岭
再让我们相倚迎朝阳

2009-06-10T19:54:00.004+08:00

i don't know how things always spiral so horridly out of control

i never figured out how, no matter how hard i try to make things work, they fall apart anyway

i don't know how all this will work out, but if i really had to

i wouldn't mind even dying just to give everyone what they want

after all, one person doesn't count much when everyone else is happy, isn't it

it's true

think about it

it doesn't matter what i have to give up for everything already

take anything you want

tell me anything you want me to do

i'll give it anyway

what i think doesn't count anymore, neither does what i feel

and if you're still not happy, then say so
because nothing matters more than that you're happy
it doesn't even matter what i have to give to get that, not any more

yeah, someone could just kill me now, if that would make everything better.

i'd gladly go

i'd let go too, if that's what you want; if you ever decide that. even if it will kill me
not like it doesn't feel like i've lost everything already..

of giving and taking;

2009-06-07T00:29:00.003+08:00

of giving and taking;
i don't even know if this is right.

i just think there's nothing wrong with giving as much as you can, and maybe even sacrificing a little along the way, for other people.

it's just the way i think.

see, i'm happy when others are happy. i give as much as i can to make them happy, and in the process we're all satisfied. yes, even if it's an unreasonable request. even if i have to give until i can't take it anymore, i'll still try and take a step back myself before i ask anyone else to back off. and even then, i'll do it nicely too.

yeah, go on. tell me i belong in a fantasy; i'm so idealistic, aren't i.

weird to you it may be, but that's the way i function. unfortunately, perhaps. some self-sacrifice, and giving up a little, just to make the world a nicer place. though sometimes it's not worth the while, but that's no reason to stop. like how you don't stop loving with all your heart and soul no matter how much you've fallen and been hurt before.

it's just like flowers; blooming so they'll brighten up our world and add a touch of colour in our lives, even though they'll simply wilt sooner or later, and fade out of existence and memory.

if plants could feel i suppose they'd be happy knowing how many smiles their flowers have brought about, anyway, even if flowers are but short-lived.

but maybe it'll always be stupid to you, hmm.

flamme immortelle.

2009-05-31T22:02:00.005+08:00

flamme immortelle.
instinct's never failed me before

no wonder it felt different today
somehow

the fleeting, parting goodbyes
routine, yet strangely intuitively unfamiliar

their veiling gentleness but a mere particle
of the strength of the blaze within

the almost imperceptible sliver of brightness
from a heavily lidded lantern

shutters shut.

not a goodbye, but farewell;
or so it seemed, with the break of day.

but night will fall, sooner or later:

there will be a time when this coruscating light
will have the chance to outshine even the constellations themselves

when the phoenixes will dance and put the sun to shame
last through the night they will, and soar from the effulgence

perhaps slowly, but steadily, surely

living on the holy trinity-
faith, hope, and love

an eternal flame

i love you, and i always will;
don't ever forget this.

i still remember you saying once you've shot with a gmx, there's no turning back-

well, it's the same case here, there's no more turning back for me; we're past the point of no return. only difference is, you mean so, so much more to me❤

ordinarily extraordinary

2009-05-14T20:46:00.002+08:00

ordinarily extraordinary;
they say seven's the magic number
and that good things come in pairs
but each alone wasn't good enough
and my heart settled on twice seven

elusive sleep and time spirited away
don't do justice, unfortunately
threatening to dim the promised sparkle-
it was almost a normal day

then again strong magic runs deep
ritualistically manifesting itself
making every day the magic blooms
ordinarily extraordinary

sweet memories to treasure-
a few stolen minutes
dancing shining silver hearts
and a most desperate vampire

of glass flowers and real flowers.

2009-05-09T22:51:00.002+08:00

of glass flowers and real flowers.
glass flowers and real flowers - both equally beautiful and pleasing to the eye.

but a glass flower has a certain clarity and exquisitness that sets it apart; seen to be perfect, it is. people fall in love with its crystal depths, and its elusive sparkle that dances away when they try and catch it with their gaze. not forgetting that it could well last for forever. on the other hand, a glass flower is a most delicate thing indeed; one too harsh blow, and it crumbles away into diamond dust.

the one thing that we lament about real flowers is that they aren't immortal. yet we can't deny that real flowers, meanwhile, are, well, real. glass flowers lack their authenticity - their scent, the velvet of their petals, the way they yield to even the gentlest touch... in fact just about everything that makes a flower a flower, save for its physical form. perhaps they are but brittle imitations of nature that require an unnatural amount of care.

perhaps i'm just a glass flower, fragile, and maybe even of no real use. maybe not to some, but to some others, at least.

but i guess what makes a better glass flower would be that it doesn't shatter at even the slightest pressure of a more protective touch, wouldn't it.

untitled.

2009-05-04T20:03:00.004+08:00

untitled.
[shan't title this since i have no idea what to title it, as much as i have no idea what to do.]

sometimes it's just so hard to put back into you the faith i have in you.
it cuts so deep when you're killing yourself in front of my very eyes.
it hurts even more when i feel so helpless; like everything i do doesn't seem to help, like there's nothing i can do to even make it better.

but don't you ever dare ask if you should leave because you think you're ruining my life.
because you're the one that has shown me what it's like to truly live.
don't you ever dare ask me if i regret loving you.
no matter how many tears i let fall.
i know this is a feeling that i just can't fight
you're the first and last thing on my mind;
you make me wanna hold you till the morning light
you make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall
you make me wanna surrender my soul

there's nothing much else that i want to do now; i just want to hold you close, kiss you crazyy, and make you forget all your cares in the world.

because i'm happy when you are.
and don't you ever forget; this is how much i love you.

monochrome;

2009-04-23T23:27:00.005+08:00

monochrome;
a picture speaks a thousand words, they say-
yet not that one, born of the morning sun
it professes but three a thousand times over
closer, more precious than any other
though nowhere dear enough to hold

my eyes are prettier when i cry, someone said-
molten crystal glimmering, softly furiously
silent retreat beneath the diamond veil
for what's the point looking pretty to them
for only one voice means the world

everyone looks up at the same night sky, i once said-
the stars' twinkling telepathic beams, or so i thought
until you swept my fringe out of my eyes
and i melted in your fiery gaze
irreplaceable now by the cold, indifferent starlight

life still goes on, you said-
undeniably, it does
but only after you draw me closer
put the real stars back in my night sky
and re-colour my now monochromatic sunrises

four days; i will survive.
albeit just barely.

this is why thursdays are good;

2009-03-12T19:06:00.006+08:00

this is why thursdays are good;
because we all go insane
every writers' guild session!
with haikus, tapping fingers,
counting syllables.

this is also why
every line here has
seven syllables or five!

all the haikus that we wrote;

i don't like haikus
how ironic that i am
writing this through one

'we are really nuts'
'do you do this all the time?'
'only on thursdays!'

[i find it quite ironic
that i actually said this;
it's so unbelievable. (x]
stop writing haikus!
wait that's pentasyllabic-
oh no not again!

this is so insane
i keep talking in haikus
and it's joshua's fault!

cat is very bored
let's write a haiku for her
well it is done now

austin's getting mad;
everyone's counting fingers-
'i am not amused!'

eileen just got owned
by the haiku-crazy gang
mwahahahaha.

advertisement for lit week:
a recruitment drive
term two week two wednesday
for literature week

this is really good:
a dilemma
these are not five syllables
what am i to do?
[i like the awesome
four-syllabic line]

we're counting too much
soon our fingers will get cramps
but we can't stop now

[if you're wondering why
i'm going so crazy now
this will explain it:]
we're addicted now;
you know everything we say
will be a haiku (x

;
but now i admit
that my favourite haikus are
the ones in my phone!

i mean, do you get
haikus written just for you
almost everyday? (x

[i bet you will say
'you're such a silly princess'
and then we'll both laughh ^^]

monday blues.

2009-03-09T16:31:00.003+08:00

monday blues.
monday blues, they always say

but that was what i loved -
where we'd sit, and time would pass us
noiselessly by; marked only
through the majestic purple
heavens lightening,
from pink to orange to that beautiful blue.

where we'd find a corner and call it our own
and time would dance away through
the songs that you'd pick out for me,
the lyrics telepathic echoes of my unsaid thoughts
then we'd lose ourselves
in the music that only we could hear.

where i wish time would just stop
to smell the flowers, at least
but it slips out of my hand, ever so
unnnoticeably;
leaving my fingers still clutched,
still held there.

the rain's said everything for me
so i will look life square in the face and smile
and pass off the tear in the corner of my eye as
an innocent sparkle of sunlight

only to let it fall
icy-cold, deep within.

perhaps, to be forgotten.

i lament the loss of my monday mornings.
i'll miss them.

but we both know what
[or who]
i'll miss the most.

;
yeah, my monday mornings are officially gone. chem o will be taking up my time from 8-9.30, but i'm tryinggg to look on the bright side - chem o should be fun, and at least it's starting at 8, so there's always the time before it starts.

not forgetting that the sunrise will still be there every monday, and forever and ever too(:

before i go insane, i just had to get this out.

2009-03-02T19:05:00.008+08:00

before i go insane, i just had to get this out.
[i just realised that i haven't posted anything for the last few weeks or so arghh ><]

maybe it's just me, but somehow it does seem like the workload's been getting just about everyone's mood down recently.

and then i can't help worrying. because i worry when you sleep late. i worry when you end up being tired. i worry when you don't eat enough. i worry when you get cold. i worry when you get upset/emo. i worry when nothing i do seems to make things better. and now i'm worried because you're worried and you're going to tire yourself out at this rate.

~~and sometimes my worry forces me to the verge of tears; if only you knew.~~

maybe they were right when they said friendship/love hurts; especially when you care too much.

but then again, is there ever such a thing as caring too much?

i don't think so; and i'll never stop caring, no matter what it takes(: yes, even if i kill myself doing it. and NO, it's NOT your fault if i care. don't you dare tell me to stop caring.

'cause you're everywhere to me;
you're everything i know
that makes me believe
i'm not alone♥

because you loved me(:

2009-02-13T14:30:00.003+08:00

because you loved me(:
Here I Am - Leona Lewis
This is a crazy world
These can be lonely times
It's hard to know who's on your side
Most of the time

Who can you really trust
Who do you really know
Is there anybody out there
Who can make you feel less alone
Some times you just can't make it on your own

If you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am

If you have broken dreams
Just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands
So take my hand

If you reach emptyness
You know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love
That I can show someone
I promise you you'll never walk alone

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am

Everybody needs somebody who
They can pour their heart and soul into

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, here I am.

dedicated to all my friends, especially those that i'm particularly close to; you know who you are! :D happy valentine's; and thankyou for everything- the love, the care, for being the really sweet people you guys are, for simply being here for me, and yes, even the little things you do.

like the times you chase me off to sleep. even when i sa1jiao1 and complain that it's wayyy too early.
like the times you wake me up in class whenever i fall asleep.
like the gazillion times you've been helping me out, and how far you're willing to go(: [oh and the force-feeding too ahaha! (x]

for I'm everything I am
Because you loved me <3.

because i believe in friends forever;

-hugs- (:

ups and downs; the roller-coaster of life.

2009-02-12T01:24:00.004+08:00

ups and downs; the roller-coaster of life.
[skip if you're not interested in my ranting, thankyou.]

sighhh it's been some crazy nerve-wracking week.

went insane over whether i'd get in in for archery - the very first time i tried it i just KNEW i had to be in archery. seriously. but noo i didn't make it. then somehow, miraculously, [thank God] managed to get in superrrr last minute; got crazy high about that. and i was honestly so excited about getting my bow and all; and my mum tells me no she won't get my bow because 'IT'S 1.5k?! THAT'S WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.'

arghhhh. ><.

oh, and she doesn't understand why some bows are unsuitable for some people, no matter how i try to explain that poundage and height and range differ very muchly and are essential factors to consider before you jump on any bow. which is why i really don't want to get a second-hand bow.

and to top it off, she yells at me for asking her what's the max price she's gonna pay for my bow because 'if [she] tells [me] what the max price is [i] won't put in enough effort to find a cheap bow no matter what.' urghhhh -.-

i really really don't want it to end like this; it honestly hasn't been the least bit easy to get in. i'd honestly just about die if i have to give up archery just because i don't have/can't get a bow. and after all we've given for archery too. [i must say, i'm sorely tempted to threaten to not sleep at all -yes, even with that potent flu i've caught- until i've found a good riser online on ebay/whatever, like the hoyt nexus; or until they give in and get me that anyway. that's how bad i want my bow.]

this is seriously madness;

-cue mental breakdown-

2009-02-10T19:09:00.004+08:00

back to school;
hahaha what can i say; ORIENTATION ROCKED.

just about every single minute of it. from the very first time we met each other to icebreakers to batch dance [which is the love!] to war games etcetc all the wayyy to o'nite. even during EA, when half the group just decided to stop running on the people chionging all the way in front because they simply wanted to have fun. all the memories, really.

and o'nite- HAHAHA YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A CUTER OG THAN US. honestly, with the theme as 'little boys and little girls', how can everyone not be cute (x

i'd srsly love to talk about every single moment of the last week; but unfortunately formal lessons have started and i need to get back to my chem/math/bio tutorials, and my econs notes ><

but basically the bottom line is! orientation pwns, and all because i have awesome friends/og mates/ogls<3.

sheila. pam. xinwei. liangsi. fangyi. cheryl. cheriel. nat. laura. jiayan. renyan. jasper. bryan. gerald. kristian. christian. yanjun. ram. junkiat. yensen. and kenneth and beihan!

oh, and before i forget, 10S03P, the fun mugger chemRA class-

jocelyn. jeanette. jiali. vidhya. maggie. shinhui. yuyue. sam. eugene. gerald. yunze. theo. benlee. joel tan. joel koh. shingbo. kenneth. zhaokai. YOU GUYS OWN TOO. LIKE, SERIOUSLYYY.

let me just mention that because there are 7 of us from nyps, i knew half the class the minute i walked in (x

back to chem now; and anyway anyone up for doing math/chem/econs tgt in the library or smth during that four hour freeblock we have tmr? 8D [yes this is how much i love my class/friends. so much that even mugging together becomes enjoyable. totally.]

when we look back, will we remember
each moment of this year?
the days that mark our time in here
threaten to disappear

all that we have's the present
to cherish while we can
seizing every chance we're blessed with
and leave with no regrets.

a new start; a new chapter. it's been awesome so far.

speculations, speculations.

2009-01-31T12:10:00.011+08:00

speculations, speculations.
haha oh no i honestly can't believe this is happening (x

kenneth says (12:04 PM):
haha
and you and conan (;
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:04 PM):
heh what!
kenneth says (12:05 PM):
hahaha
is smth going on haha
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:05 PM):
...what do you think -.-
kenneth says (12:06 PM):
haha you sure you want my answer?
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:06 PM):
-nods-
kenneth says (12:06 PM):
yes!
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:06 PM):
are you serious!
kenneth says (12:06 PM):
err
kenneth says (12:07 PM):
i dunno la haha
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:07 PM):
wth sia.
[aiyo can't people just be friends! (x]
kenneth says (12:07 PM):
can but not likely
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:08 PM):
ehh why
kenneth says (12:09 PM):
err
people tend to develop feelings?
and act on them
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:09 PM):
...
hmm.
good point.
but.
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:10 PM):
it's not impossible anyway!
kenneth says (12:10 PM):
haha
you're not against the idea too
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:10 PM):
eh?
kenneth says (12:10 PM):
i guess that's a factor that'd influence things
haha
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:11 PM):
wait i didn't get that.
kenneth says (12:11 PM):
you're not against getting tgt with conan one
since all you've been saying is it's not impossible to be friends
hahaha
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:11 PM):
....
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:12 PM):
my goodness la.
[not against does not denote consent, in any case. it just denotes the absence of objection.]
kenneth says (12:12 PM):
i didnt say consent too!
did i ._.
i didnt!
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:13 PM):
then since it's sitting on the line why jump to conclusions!
kenneth says (12:13 PM):
im not jumping to anything xD
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:13 PM):
you just did -.-
kenneth says (12:13 PM):
i just thought you two might be tgt or smth
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:13 PM):
there, that -is- a conclusion.
that you jumped to.
kenneth says (12:13 PM):
hmm, yeah okay
but anw =x
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:14 PM):
haha what now!
kenneth says (12:15 PM):
just see how ba
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:15 PM):
heh?
kenneth says (12:15 PM):
xD
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:15 PM):
whaaat!
kenneth says (12:16 PM):
i think things will happen
hahaha
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:16 PM):
hahaha if you say so.
kenneth says (12:16 PM):
but i dont know conan that well
so maybe im not in a position to say anything xD
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:17 PM):
haha okayyy.
[then why jump to conclusions (x]
kenneth says (12:18 PM):
im just saying it's probable
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:18 PM):
-shakes head- i shall not speculate.
kenneth says (12:19 PM):
but you two..
compatible
XD
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:19 PM):
[horoscope wise, yes. but haha can astrology be trusted?]
kenneth says (12:19 PM):
nono
i mean like, in general
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:19 PM):
rly meh.
kenneth says (12:20 PM):
shrugs
i cant explain
it's just a feeling
`jiaying- star-gazer..* says (12:20 PM):
haha if you do trust astrology, that'd be because we have the same horoscope.
and in general people of the same horoscope click quite well.
BUT it doesn't mean sparks will fly.

really, whaaat in the world! i am terribly amooosed. illogical conclusions, i say. how people jump to [usually incorrect] conclusions and spark scandals never fails to ellicit a smirk from me.

CNY! :D

2009-01-29T17:59:00.004+08:00

CNY! :D
i honestly love cny. for various reasons like huge family gatherings(:

and it's quite amazing, really. every cny we meet just about everyone in the extended family, and let relatives go all 'oh my how you've grown!' [but that's just customary in my case, because i haven't had a significant height increase since... xD]

oh but it was really amusing - my relatives were all going 'so how, you're secfour now right!' [or better still, 'you sec what now arh?'] and my mum will very amusedly say 'no la she's j1 already!~' and half of them go 'wahhh so fast arh! -stares in amazement-' hahaha.

and i happily say that my mum actually let me play mahjong like maaad this year. played mahjong [with a few bridge games in between] on chu1 yi1 from like, 3pm to 1am. minus the travelling time in between, cuz we played at two houses (x and chu1 er4 was more mahjong too! although we had to end early because my cousins had to go ):

and on a side note, time really does fly. my little cousins who are ten years younger started p1 alreadyyy. [i still remember my first day of school xD] and another littler cousin can talk now! the last i remember of her was when she was only one, and throwing tantrums in her baby chair because she couldn't see my aunt xD [i believe she's.. two and a half now. or maybe three. oh no i can't remember all their ages now, i feel oooold. ><] and on the other side of the age spectrum there's my cousin who's a first year medicine student, and her brother who's just started ns. like yesterday. okay i'm being random now, but i was just telling my mum that i need a bookshelf revamp and can we please throw out those kids' books from... more than fifteen years ago, to which she said that she'd donate them to the next person in the family to get married. then we both realised that said person would be aforementioned oldest cousin who's currently doing medicine, and seeing that she's only three years older than me... time has really flown.

but back to the original topic of cny; photos on facebook! xD

the empty void-

2009-01-23T16:29:00.002+08:00

the empty void-
that is life nowadays.

bahhh it does make life seem rather uninteresting sometimes. especially since this is my typical schedule these few days: wake up. school. wander around in school/j8/the library. come home. stagnate on computer.

urghhh.

okay i'm sorry i'm not my usual hyper self today. but you see, boredom exacerbates my effervescence so much that it becomes explosive, in a sense.

because when i get bored, it means there's something missing.

sometimes it's the absence of a good book. but it can't be that, because conan just very generously lent me five awesome ones.

sometimes it's the absence of things to do in general. but it can't be that, because there's always things to do around the house. i just don't feel like doing more housework at this point in time.

sometimes it's the absence of my brain. [you know, you're physically awake and all, but your brain seems to have migrated to Mars, or for the matter, the other end of the universe and you just go around, zombie-like, and barely registering anything.] which is somewhat the case now. and that would explain why reading wouldn't help. blehh.

but most of the time, it's the absence of someone i can talk to. it's not just anyone i'm referring to; but rather those in your closest circle of friends that you can trust with just about anything in the world, or at least those that you're close enough to be able to talk to for a few hours on end without the conversation stagnating as it does with most other people.

see what i mean when i said i hate the feeling of loneliness? i love human interaction too much, maybe.

`jiaying- unexpected, what you did to my heart. says (4:30 PM):
[i'm too used to talking to people for.. hours on end, really ><]
kenneth says (4:30 PM):
then you really need to go out of it :/
`jiaying- unexpected, what you did to my heart. says (4:30 PM):
like, get used to -not- talking to people for so long?
kenneth says (4:30 PM):
yeah
`jiaying- unexpected, what you did to my heart. says (4:31 PM):
but whyyy ._.

since when was that a bad thing?

kenneth says (4:32 PM):
but like, people would get busy once school starts
kenneth says (4:32 PM):
with CCA and school stuff
`jiaying- unexpected, what you did to my heart. says (4:33 PM):
[yesyes, that's when i'll not talk to people for extended periods of time, oh goodness.]

rawrrrr where are the people i need to talk to! why are you offlineee):

auditions.

2009-01-22T20:13:00.003+08:00

auditions.
before i launch into my ramblings i shall just say one thing - dance is THE love.

hence the fact that the only two ccas i signed up for were street dance and modern dance xD

street auditions were awesome. unlike the nightmare i was fretting it would turn out to be last night. until conan said "you'll be fine don't worry! i have the utmost confidence in your abilities," and my nerves settled somewhat. whee~

the steps were pretty easy to catch and the music was one of those songs with fast catchy bass beats, and i had so much funnn ahaha i love street already. i probably screwed the improvisation bit; ended up ignoring just about every step i was killing myself over last night, but the fun in freestyle is coming up with things to suit the flow of the music on the spot so whatever (x

and i know i missed a few steps in the pre-audition practice they gave us [it was one dry run before they started the assessment], but thankfully during the round that actually counted i didn't miss anything(:

at the end the seniors were asking if any of us could do bonus stuff [i quote: 'anyone particularly good at body waves or smth?'] and since i was telling chele earlier on that the only leverage i may have over some people is that i am more flexible, so i just decided to ask if that would fit the bill of being a 'bonus' thing. which i am happy to say that it did. apparently not that many people can put their hands on the floor when they bend down xD oh and they called me back just as i was about to leave to ask me if i could split. to which i replied that i probably couldn't, but i could try. and i came to the realisation today that i can -almost- split. wheeee!

oh yes i shall say thankyou to conan and mel and kenneth for dropping by to wish me luck for dance auds - that was really nice of you guys! [and i daresay i was the only one/one of the few people who actually had their awesome friends coming to wish them luck] :D

pity mod dance was rather... catastrophic. because they went too fast/had so much ballet technique involved that i seriously don't think i have much chance of getting in whatsoever. but oh well; if i have street that's more than enough!

i honestly have no idea if i'll get in, but i think i have a fairly good chance of that. so i shall hope, and i shall pray! -crosses fingers- (:

because to quote conan,
[ † мэйврик † ] in Deo speramus says (9:26 PM):
ahhh see? confidence works wonders. as does prayer. X)

thankyou muchly, for everything(:

oh no, another one?

2009-01-19T16:53:00.005+08:00

oh no, another one?
yes, [unfortunately?] it's yet another meme, to fill the after-school void these days. and also because i currently don't have any active msn convos and therefore i am bored.

01. What have you been doing recently?
nothing much. talking on msn. [haha yes i now have one active convo! xD] mousehunt on facebook. blogsurfing. youtube. see, nothing much!

02.Do you ever turn your cellphone off?
nope. unless the battery runs out, in which case, strictly speaking, it turns itself off.

03. What happened at 10.00am today?
hehh. -grabs rj schedule- uhh actl i was walking out of the hall/stoning near the concourse while waiting for the pw elective to start; free block! xD

04. When did you last cry?
honestly, i can't remember. that's good(:

05. Believe in fate/destiny?
yeah.

06. What do you want in your life right now?
well i'm currently content with my lot in life now, thankyou(:

07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
umbrella. or in the unfortunate event that i didn't bring one, and in the fortunate event that i -am- wearing a hoodie, my hood.

08. What's your favourite thing to have on your bed?
haha really, i can't decide between my pillow, my stuffed dog and my lovely thick blanket.

09. What bottom are you wearing now?
shorts.

10. What's the nicest text in your inbox say?
ahhh. one of my sixteenth's wellwishings(: which i think whoever sent me those would rather i not reveal publicly, so.

11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
sometimes, yes.

12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
nope.

13. What was the last movie you caught?
uhhm. i believe it was 'kung fu panda', on the plane back from beijing. or was it 'the holiday'?

14. What are you proud of?
haha as i was just telling conan, being able to still remember most of our nyps batch xD

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
shinyi: omg i can't believe they gave us lip gloss;
on prom door-gifts xD

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
pass it on!(:

17.Do you have any nicknames?
yes. unfortunately. as those from my nyps batch will know.

18. What does your last received text message say?
my piano teacher: sms faulty. pls leave msg on voicemail;
telling us not to sms her home phone.

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
11+, close to 12am. because thomas was chasing me to go to sleep. haha i doubt you'll ever see this, but thankyou(:

20. Are you currently happy?
rather contented, yes.

21. Who gives you best advice?
yiting. shinyi. and possibly a few others that i may or may not become closer to and thus trust as much.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
haha uhh nope! but off the cake yes, i confess xD

23. Who did you talk on phone last night?
wasn't on the phone.

24. Is anything bugging you right now?
no, not really.

25. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
conan. with his pm quoting josh as saying "quite unsurprisingly, i've managed to lose my...timetable...the fates do not smile kindly upon me." xDD

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
mum.

28. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yes.

29. What annoys you most in a person?
hmm honestly, i have no idea. i guess it is an amalgation of annoying traits in a person that makes the person annoying, ultimately.

30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
well what do you people think!

31. Have you ever done cocaine?
no. never. thank God.

32. What is the colour of your room?
baby pink/pale lilac! and if the ceiling counts too, then add white to the mix. xD

33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
no. since when was it my right to take away someone's life, for whatever reason?

34. Do you believe in the saying : talk is cheap?
that would depend. on who you're talking to.

35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
me.

36. Who was the last person to hug you?
uhhh i believe it was my brother. the sec one brother.

37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
really, who did i last kiss? nobody for the last... 10 years, i think. [before that it was family, so go think.]

38. Do you have a life?
haha define life!
life as in being alive - definitely. life as in social life - well it's sure picking up [no thanks to the nyps chalet haha! :D] life as in love life - no, it's currently non-existent.

39. Have you ever think someone died, when they really didn't die?
yeah. when i was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows xD

40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
uhhh because i like 'when you're gone'.

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dreams?
i... really have no idea.

42. Last time you smiled?
just now. while talking to conan. but then again, almost everyone makes me smile!

43. Have you changed this year?
i would believe so. even though it's only been 19 days since the start of the year (x

44. What are you listening right now?
nothing. unless my gran's channel 8 drama that i can hear behind me counts xD

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
well i was, but haha conan has chem tuition now so no.

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
...well, open, naturally.

47. Is there a quote you live by?
haha umm. there are quite a few principles i live by, but by a specific quote i think not.

48. Do you want someone you cannot have?
no idea. frankly.

49. Have you ever played an instrument?
yeah! most people have, anyway xD recorders in primary sch music classes hahaha.

50. What was the worst idea you've had this week?
hmm. haven't had any bad ones yet, seeing that it's only the start of the week, really. although the worst one might be to start emptying the store of pineapple/mango tarts that's currently at home. both containers are... at least half empty now. oops xD

51. What were you doing last night at 11pm?
helping my brother with his jap, i think.

52. (missing question)

53. What song best describe your love life?
uhhh see question 38!

54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
hmm. and how would i know?

55. Who always make you laugh?
josh! see above quote, and previous post about nyps chalet and his epic mahjong playing xD

56. Do you speak a language other than English?
yes.

57. Favourite website(s)?
youtube? mousehunt! and uhh i blogsurf, so other people's blogs, i guess.

58. What's your middle name?
hmm what would count as a middle name? chinese names do complicate such matters muchly, i say.

59. What are you doing tomorrow?
going to school! and possibly crashing tribune session, if i'm up to it(:

60. What do you think you are like?
well it's always hard to describe yourself. so i shall quote conan -
[ † мэйврик † ] in Deo speramus says:
you're a....happy person, to the point of effervescence.
hahaha xD

61. Who will you choose to die with?
nobody. because i hope everyone i love will still be living even when i'm gone.

62. Where have you been today?
school. mos burger at j8 for lunch. orchard to buy my rj uniform. home!

63. What game do you play often?
mousehunt on facebook, if it even counts as a game.

64. Who are you missing right now?
hmm. quite a few people, seeing that i -am- bored and my thoughts do wander.

65. If you have to choose between friends and love, who will you choose?
i doubt that i'll ever have to make this choice, honestly.
but in the event that i have to make such a heartbreaking decision... argh i really don't knowww.

66. What are you doing right now?
...doing this meme.

67. Which primary school are you from?
nyps<3.

68. Name 3 colours that you like?
hahaha read my profile page! xD
okayokay. black. pink. chocolate brown.

69. What emoticon do you like to show?
(: / =D / 8D / (x / xD they appear in roughly the same frequencies in my msn convos, if you ask me.

70. What is your life to you?
a blessed gift.

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
emo/talk to someone about it/sleep on it/pray, not necessarily in the above order.

72. Who did you last chat with on msn today?
conan.

73. Who do you admire most?
hard to say. there are many i admire.

74. Which month are you born in?
september!

75. How are you feeling right now?
see question 06 and 20!

76. What is the time now?
5.44pm

77. What kind of person do u think the one who tagged you is?
well nobody tagged me. i'm doing this out of boredom xD

78.What colour do you use to dye hair?
don't dye my hair haha.

79. Why are you doing this test?
see question 77!

80. What do you do when you're moody?
see question 71!

81. At which age you wish to get married?
well, 22-25's a good age xD hopefully before 30. really.

82. Who is most important to you?
see question 21!

83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do?
pray for everyone else, and thank God for everything He's given me. and spend time with all the ones i love.

84.(missing question)

85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
yes.

86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
well i've had quite a few come true!(:

87. What is your goal for this year?
haha uhhhh see earlier post about new year resolutions xD

88. Do you believe in eternal love?
yes.

89. What feeling do you love most?
being loved!(:

90. Do you really think Global Warming is happening now?
definitely.

91. What feeling do you hate most?
being alone/unloved.

92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
well i try to. though sadly, it does depend.

93. Do you believe in God?
definitely.

94. Who cares for you most?
it's hard to say.

95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
it's hard to say too. God? love? i really don't know.

96. What will you bring when you fight?
...that would depend. fighting metaphorically or physically?

97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?
letting opportunities slip by. but then again i must admit that sometimes these missed opportunities do cause things that i don't regret to happen.

98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you?
honestly, i would be depressed. but then i am reminded of 'footprints', and i know that that'll never happen(:

99.(missing question)

100. How do you feel now?
hehh accomplished that i finished this! but then again that means that i'll be bored again. haha oh welllll.

nyps chalet!

2009-01-15T17:03:00.005+08:00

nyps chalet!
if you ask me, this is the one of the best chalets i've ever been to. srsly. i love nyps gatherings. the friends, and the random/epic things that happen(ed); the memories. lets just say that i've been blessed with an awesome batch(:

went to yiting's house for lunch and headed down to chalet after that. haha surprising turnout! like the teachers' day outing xD there were so many people helping out in the kitchen etc yiting and i ended up slacking/playing bridge/taiti/watching raash's disney movies. [damn paiseh la first thing we do is to slack when for almost every chalet before this i'm always doing/cooking smth ><]

finally got to play mahjong woots. zhenyi and i played so much mahjong - from idk what time we started haha until 8+? it was totally epic:

zhenyi: eh jiaying you wanna go eat alr?
me: oh yeah sure.
zhenyi: anyone else want to go eat?
everyone else: aiyo we ate already!
zhenyi and me: zomg we played so much we forgot to eat?!

yeah we were the only two who hadn't eaten by then xD must stay away from mahjong already. not good.

speaking of mahjong, there are certain characteristics about the game when certain people are playing.

like, when you play mahjong with josh, something epic is bound to happen. more on this later xD when you play mahjong with thomas, he'll either pull off a very imba win, or he'll hoard other people's cards so the game lasts just about forever, unless me/yunyi are at the table, because we random win so much it's difficult to guess what we're eyeing hurhur. and according to someone, 'never play with jiaying on your left because she eats cards like mad but never feeds you any.' although i don't think this is true :p boyan accused me of being a feeder thrice, so there!

okay now for josh's epic mahjong adventure!

first game: josh draws a tile. throws out another. 'I WIN!' everyone stares. finally someone goes 'eh how's that a winning hand!' josh: isn't it? i have a triplet, another triplet, another triplet, and two pairs! meanwhile everyone goes -.-", and someone (i forgot who!) came over to see what we were groaning about, and was very amusedly saying 'whoa xiao xiang gong alr not enough, still zha4 hu2 arh!'

next scene: yknow when people throw out mahjong tiles they usually say what they threw out? well yeah that's what everyone else was doing. it's just that people call out the tiles in chinese/the occasional cantonese, but josh was insisting on doing it in english. and we ended up having this hilarious debacle. like, someone will go 'who threw what?' and someone else will say, for example, 'liu4 suo4'. and josh will happily say, 'oh, six sticks!' to which i insist absolutely that he calls it 'liu4 suo4' and he'll insist on calling it six sticks, and i'll go 'liu4 suo4!' etcetc, and it continued for quite a while and wouldn't have ended any time soon if conan didn't tell me to 'let it rest because you're never going to win anyway' so fine i let josh anglicise mahjong. bahh xD

third: so the mahjong game continues with josh peppering it with english here and there amidst the sea of chinese that everyone is using. then someone throws out wu3 wan4, and guess what josh calls it - 'five thousand!' [by this time you should be getting why it's so epic, if you don't, think: one thousand is..? and so yi1 wan4 is..?] xD

fourth: and after we got josh to multiply the smth-thousands by ten [so he finally said things like 'fifty thousand' instead of 'five thousand'], it was quite uneventfully not-so-epic already. except for one more incident. he tried to zha4 chi1 - he had er4 wan4 and wu3 wan4, and the person before him threw out a si4 wan4, and he tried to chi xD with the defence that the er4 wan4 'looked like a three!'

wheeee.

mahjong aside, there was the fact that the teachers turned up! pleasant surprises. mrs tay (formerly known as miss sia), miss yeo, and miss mok! pity huang laoshi couldn't go. but oh well. i really take my hat off to them - they have awesome memories. it's been anywhere from 4 to 6 years since they taught us, but they still can remember who's who!

and there was still yiting's birthday celebration :D thankyou to raash for thinking of putting a sparkler on the cake, and thankyou to everyone else for being wonderful and all and for singing the birthday song for her so loud and enthusiastically :D and now i can say that shinyi and i spent a few hours baking yiting's cake with good results. though that'd also explain why i was late in going to yiting's house, which in turn led to us not being able to make it to help raash at 2, which led to us missing the shuttle bus and going late to chalet. blehh. it's the chocolate frosting's fault; it was so difficult to make. oh yes, remind me to get a bigger cake box the next time. this one was a tad too small so the side of the cake died during the long trip to the chalet ><.

oh yes yiting if you are reading this - happy seventeenth! [for the third time, i know, but triple wishes are magic, imo! xD]

after that it was back to mahjong! tralala. no more epic scenes since josh left the table. but mahjong's still fun (x

awesome chalet, this one. the best thing was that i had another chance to meet and talk to all those batchmates that i didn't know very well before (people like conan and ryan), so that's more friends i know now!

next day i went back after open house on impulse, but as zongxian says, pity so many people left just when i reached. to which i said, at least i came back! cuz that means they had just enough people to play mahjong xD won three games out of four there. yeah, amazing luck. and one of them was when we were teaching ivan how to play and everyone was playing with open hands, in which case it usually is very hard to win because people are hoarding the cards you need most of the time. wheee~!

well now, i think raash and baifeng and daniel and whoever that helped to organise this srsly are most wonderful people. (it was a headache for them trying to get dates and people to go, honestly) and chalets are the love, but only when the people put in so much effort and make them so! love you guys, really(:

p.s. are we having another chalet next year? 8D

firefly.

2009-01-15T15:38:00.003+08:00

firefly.
as tagged by zongxian!

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
恋爱 ING - 五月天 [haha whaat..! yeah sure falling in love is okay? xD]

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Summer Nights - John Travolta/Olivia Newton John [oh man whaat? no no no no wayyy! short-lived romances are bad. plain bad.]

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
两极 - 任贤齐 [actually this is, up to a certain extent, true.]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Tobira no Mukou E - Yellow Generation [oh my goodness. yiting sent me this song, which is from FMA. my life's purpose won't be to..do whatever they do in FMA. unless it's hinting that my life's purpose is to grow taller like edward elric >.>]

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney [well, yeah - to have a beautiful soul? or to get someone with a beautiful soul? or both! xD]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
西界 - 林俊杰 [wait this doesn't really make sense. hmm "你的世界太远" - that i'm too distant from them? now that's not good ._.]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Gimme Gimme Gimme - ABBA [haha what?!]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Honey Honey - ABBA [hmmmm. -keeps it to herself- xD]

WHAT IS 2+2?
SOS - ABBA [what in the world is my ipod doing, it just played three abba songs in a row >.>]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Just the Girl - The Click Five [yeah man! yiting my ipod loves you, evidently :D]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows [whoa this would totally fit xD]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
绿光 - 孙燕姿 [oh man please no! i don't want to spend my life on a "wild dragon chase" chasing after someone O: happily ever after ftw!]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
私奔到月球 - 五月天 [AHAHA HERE COMES MY HAPPILY EVER AFTER! :D]

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Day You Went Away - M2M [oh wth damn accurate.]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Upside Down - A-Teens [oh mann yes my room is in a mess so i won't be surprised if this is true! ><]

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Beautiful Disaster - Kelly Clarkson [whaaaat, trying to say it's a beautiful disaster? oh no. please. though it's a rather nicely slow song.]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
我又初恋了 - 五月天 [what, this is totally.. wrong. no way is anyone falling in love with me at my funeral man xD]

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne [uhh, what's this supposed to mean o.o that my hobby's suanning people who ditch a perfectly fine person that i end up attached with? weirded.]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
All About You - McFly [aww love you guys(:]

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
How Can I Not Love You - Joy Enriquez (theme song from The King and I) [...ah. when i can't be with the person i love. yes that would be very very painful. because "how does one waltz away from all of the memories?"]

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
梁山伯与朱丽叶 - 曹格/卓文萱 [what, i'm gna die a tragic death because of love? O:]

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
不能说的秘密 - 周杰伦 [well it's probably a deep dark secret then. or is it.. an unfulfilled love destiny? oh man please no not that):]

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Still - Hillsong [absolutely not. rubbish answer, this one -.-]

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Apologise - Timbaland Ft. One Republic [a painful unrequited love?
-smiles wryly-]

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson [whoa cool. "some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this, some people search forever for that one special kiss. oh, i can't believe it's happening to me" so i guess yes? :D]

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
熟能生巧 - 林俊杰 [haha well the opening of the song? it's sorta spooky xD]

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
只对你说 - 林俊杰 [that means yes, then. but not like i didn't already know >.>]

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
波斯猫 - S.H.E. [what's the link to the qn! i regret not getting a persian? or being like the persian in the song and being hot and cold suddenly and chasing away everyone? idk man tell me! O:]

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
我们小时候 - Tank [another accurate one. yes, the memories of the perfect times. they always hurt. especially when you don't have what you used to have any more, and it's like, gone for good.]

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Firefly - A-Teens [yknow fireflies signify short-lived romances? ):]

boredom, and the absence of iTunes.

2009-01-08T12:51:00.013+08:00

boredom, and the absence of iTunes
which means that i can't do any music memes like the one yiting just did.

so that leads me to do other kinds of memes/quizzes/etc.

like this: What Major is Right for You?

which is totally yayyywheewoots~! haha 100% for bio/chem, this is insane. but it means i rly should be doing what i'm setting out to do :D lab work/science research is the absolute love.

and this: What are the Keys to Your Heart?

Your Heart Doesn't Need Love Now

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

go take the quiz: What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

haha whaaaat okay everything's fine except the last one zomgwtfhbbq. almost anyone who knows me knows i'm a hopeless romantic. and for the record, i am a loveholic. what on earthh, who says i don't need love man. and as for flirting around and playing..! argh. but oh well whatever xD

and then there's this: What You Should Resolve to Change Next Year.

okay granted, that's for this year.

You Should Make 1 Resolution

Think of a resolution!

What Should You Resolve to Change Next Year?

haha oh man, didn't i already make resolutions! xD i am amused.

well okay i was about to keep the number of memes to just 3, before i start boring people to death, but i threw this in, because i'm always so feline: What Breed of Cat are You?

You Are a Persian Cat

You are very high-maintenance, at least as far as keeping up your appearance goes.

But you're surprisingly low-maintenance in every other aspect of your life.

You are peaceful and sweet tempered. People enjoy your company.

You are loving and a good companion, but it takes you a while to trust people.

What Breed of Cat Are You?

haha ookayy! just one thing to add- it doesn't take me a while to trust people. i trust instinctively; my mum always tells me i'm too trusting xD

tralala. /end meme spam!

--------

haha okay sorry one more! taken off lavanya [my trib junior]'s blog xD

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog.

B. Replace any question that you dislike with a new, original question.

C. Tag eight people. Don’t refuse to do that. Don’t tag who tagged you.

01. What are your nicknames?
urghh, spare me this! xD those from my nyps batch should know man. oh, and my wonderful trib juniors that were at chalet now know me as 'the mother hen' ahaha. i quote miranda: 'since jiaying's always so motherly, she shall be ... the mother hen!'

02. How do you style your hair?

haha a gazillion ways. don't tie/tie/tie fringe/any ~~insane~~ wacky thing that i feel like doing. i have at least three variations on half-tying my hair already moohaha. xD

03. What’s new in your life right now?

many many things. new year, new school, new friends, new subjects, new bag, new jacket, new uniform, new shoes, new hairties even xD whee!

04. How many colours are you wearing now?

uhhhh. three if you don't count my watch, otherwise it would be five.

05. Are you an introvert or extrovert?

a mixture of both. if i'm really close to you i'm an extrovert mostly xD really, shinyi complains i'm too noisyyyy haha.

06. What are you doing while filling out this?

blogsurfing. mousehunting [on facebook!]. was msn-ing yiting but haha shall leave her in peace to play PW!

07. Do you nap a lot?

nope. only on sundays xD

08. How’s your heart lately?

haha what on earth. okay fine, you want an honest answer?

stolen. given back. shattered. still in pieces. but that's life, i'm getting used to it(:

09. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

definitely, but hey, there are more happy things around nowadays!

10. What’s your favourite dessert?

honestly, i don't know. probably something ice-creamy/cake-ish. haha my brother's though, is my signature frozen peach cheesecake xD finally someone appreciates my culinary skills.

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

depends. if it's for school half an hour probably would suffice. if i'm going out a couple of hours may not even be enough xD xD

12. How do you want to live when you grow up?

happily ever after♥~

13. What was the last book you finished reading?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. and before that the Half-Blood Prince. which was what inspired the Potterphilia post xD

14. Do you like to see things clean?

sure thing, but i have a very high mess tolerance too. much to the dismay of my mum xD

15. What is the last song you listened to?

Hey Juliet - LMNT. yeah that song that was super popular during secone almost every dance performance used it.

16. What’s the last DVD you bought?

hmmm. don't remember. though strictly speaking i think the last one I bought would be Into the West; from eslite in taipei last year.

17. Can you touch your toes?

sure can. i can even palm the floor and hold it there for at least a minute ;D

18. What is your favourite ice cream flavour?

ben and jerry's cherry garcia♥

19. What’s the last movie you watched?

Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away! i'm on some insane craze this week, watched this twice alr ><.oops. ~~and here comes my fantasy about cool romantic dragon boyfriends hehhh.~~

20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming month?

school! amazing right xD but holidays are getting kinda boring, and i miss my friends):

Tagging who..?

uhhh do i even have eight people that read my blog!

the only people i can think of that read frequently enough are like.

1. yiting. 2. josh. 3. dahwei. 4. lisa. 5. the occasional rgsrcy junior that drops by here hehhh don't think i don't know you read my blog! xD

resolutions.

2009-01-02T20:41:00.004+08:00

resolutions.
okay, the first time i'm actually taking new year resolutions seriously >< hehhh.

but whatever - it's better late than never, no? xD

1. >3.7 gpa!
every year from 2005-2007 my gpa's been going up; but last year it stagnated at 3.69. so let's see if i can break that this year!

2. h3 chem!
well ra chem's a stepping stone there; let's hope i can get my h3(:

3. get into a cca (or two) that i really really love. (and that means solving my cca dilemma too.)
dance/chemsoc/writers' guild - unfortunately it's 3C2 at most for me; because ra gets priority. and also because i only have 24 hours a day, and i do like to socialise/hang out/slack/etc, you get the idea.

4. socialise more~! (friends/family alike.)
because i only have two more years with my close friends before we go our separate ways - (hopefully) yiting to digipen; shinyi to medicine; while i run off on my drug research fantasy xD and because it's an almost entirely fresh start - i can actually get an existent social life. if i try. as my mum says, new year means make more friends! riiight?(:

5. go back to nyps some time this year, even though there's the addition of rg to go back to!
this is self-explanatory, don't you think! i love the nanyang days. and who cares if so many of the teachers are gone - as long as there's still one person i know there, i'll still try to go back.

6. help my brothers with their work/etc.
because it's my brother's first year in a new school and he'll need to adapt and all. (speaking of this, i owe zongxian one - he put up with my brother and his endless list of questions about hci and ccas they have until 1am.) and because my xiaodi's in p5 already so that's not much time for him to work for psle, seeing that he tends to need more time to understand things though he's much more hardworking. and definitely because i should be helping them with their stuff anyway, especially this year, cuz next year will be my mugging frenzy and i may not be able to spare the time. but whatever - the goal is to get my xiaodi in hci! or ri, if my mum isn't feeling so loyal towards her alma mater ahaha (she was from hcjc).

7. have absolutely immaculate files!
i actl tried this last year, but as usual somewhere in the middle of the year my resolve fails, or the lack of time to file (thanks to my procrastinating arghh ><) kills me anyway. bahh. so this year i will at least persevere till june. i lasted till april last year. only. zzzt.

8. community service/SL!
because i should be doing it, and because there's nothing like feeling that you've made someone's day.

9. basically just make the best out of jc1!
and hopefully one year later, when i look at these again, i can tell myself what i did right to make all of them come true, to make this year as memorable as i want it to be.

2008's been great; here's to a better 2009! :D

Potterphilia.

2008-12-29T17:29:00.002+08:00

Potterphilia.
read too much Potter -
now i can't stop thinking of
perfect, sweet endings.

haha yes this is ridiculous. xD

amusing.

2008-12-27T18:18:00.007+08:00

haha before i start crapping, happy sixteenth, josh! may you grow older with maturity, but always, always remain a kid at heart! God bless! :D

--------
amusing.
i realised those random quiz chain mails (that ask you to spam everyone else so you'll get good luck, or bad things will happen if you don't) that i used to do for fun actl have terrible arguments to try and make you send them. in fact, the list of threats/good things that will happen if you subject everyone else in your email address book to such torture amuse me.

my twelve-year-old cousin just sent me one. which was such a laugh, because the last section was like,

'now that u have opened this there is no going back! if u dont send this message 2 every one on ur list u will have the following:

~ u will fail ur tests
~ u will cut ur finger
~ u will lose someone close 2 you
~ u will not have a good day for the next 12 years

--if u do send this u will:
~ be kissed by ur crush b4 next month
~ have good luck
~ have someone fall in love with you
~ have ur all time dream come true

GOOD LUCK!!'

okay i'm bored, so i shall disprove/obliterate/whatever these silly claims.

apparently, if i don't send it:

'~ u will fail ur tests.' yeah right i'm sure that has anything to do with my academic results - it's just making sure you study right -.-
'~ u will cut ur finger.' riiiight. that's even more absurd.
'~ u will lose someone close 2 you.' as above. with the additional harsh reality that (permit me to say this matter-of-factly, i don't mean to curse anyone) we'll all lose someone close to us someday, it's just a sooner or later thing.
'~ u will not have a good day for the next 12 years.' riiiight. whether i have a good day or not is entirely up to myself to be optimistic/pessimistic about the situations i find myself in(:

and if i send this i will:
'~ be kissed by ur crush b4 next month.' haha it's 27/12 now; and i have 4 more days to get said kiss. absolute rubbish since i'm not even going to see any guy in the next 4 days hahaha. [see why i say i'm getting amused by this email?]
'~ have good luck.' well, everyone has their times of good luck, even without the influence of such emails right.
'~ have someone fall in love with you.' the quintessential dream of teenage girls, eh. but i shall say this - it may not turn out to be the paradise this often entails. because there's always the possibility that someone you don't like falls for you. and that'd be painful.
'~ have ur all time dream come true.' maybe this would actually work, but honestly how many people will have that come true without themselves working towards it? if you ask me the possibility of that being realised is through nothing but your own effort. and maybe just a slight bit of circumstances.

whee. entertaining, taking those insubstantial claims to pieces. although i admit i'm in a little of a vindictive mood towards ridiculous arguments today.

Christmas wishes.

2008-12-24T22:40:00.003+08:00

Christmas wishes.
well, after sixteen Christmases of getting presents and having other materialistic wishes granted, i think i've had enough of wishing for yet more stuff, really.

because Christmas is more than pretty presents and shiny wrapping papers, it's more than delectable puddings and heavenly log cakes, and i daresay it's also more than plain parties and quintessential get-togethers.

so i happily say that i only have one wish for my seventeenth Christmas -

may the blessings that were bestowed on us with the birth of Jesus shine upon you this Christmas, and forever more.

have a blessed Christmas, and happy holidays(:

beyond comparison.

2008-12-22T22:36:00.002+08:00

beyond comparison.
well it started with the release of the psle results. my mum smsed me while i was at icyl that my brother got 262. to which i replied that i was very proud of him - who can say that 262 isn't a good score? so amanda (whose sister got 250) and i just spend the whole day at icyl being really high and proud of our siblings. wheee.

but when i got home it was a different story - my mum was yelling at my brother for his 'bad' results. and she started comparing us again. which honestly just got me feeling indignant for my brother.

okay, to be fair to my mum, she was right to say he could have done better. she was right to say he could have put in more effort to study. yes, he's too playful by nature, he doesn't really concentate well, but so what?

at least he made an effort to study for his psle. at least he bothered to ask where his mistakes were. at least he managed to sit down and do entire math papers for 2+ hours when his concentration span's normally only an hour.

compare that to me, when i never even studied. when i went home after sch/each paper and just slacked/read/did everything except study. (but no, doing homework doesn't count as studying, in case you're wondering.)

true, he could have done better. but that definitely applies to me too, and more so than it applies to my brother, don't you think?

it's a pity my mum only sees the 14 mark difference in our psle scores, and not the tremendous difference in the effort we put in to do well. it's a pity she only sees the difference in our academic results; that his are 'never as good' as mine, and not the difference in our other aspects of school life. someone remind me never to compare my kids like that next time, in case i (somehow) forget.

because as much as i do better in exams, his cca record owns mine. he's already managed to represent nyps in 2 international competitions; he's even gotten the moe eagles award. which shows that his overall performance, not just his academic performance, is stellar already. compare that to me, when i never even went for a single zonal/national competition, much less international.

oh, and he's received two edusave scholarships already (one for his p5 performance and another for psle) when i only had one for psle.

who says he's nto as good as me - we just have our achievements in different areas. unfortunately for him, the typical singaporean mindset places academics above all else. sigh.

but at least, thankfully he made it into hci. albeit via dsa, but who cares? i shall pray he uses this opportunity to tap on his strengths and improve his weaker areas (i.e. pick up on his academics and do even better for cca), like how i managed to save my cca record, (much as it was by luck, if you ask me,) and somehow barely maintain my gpas. although i think he'll outshine me there. at least. he sure has the potential to.

on a side note, i'll need to buck up for the next two years too - i'm dropping phys (which i score better at) in favour of bio, much to my mum's chagrin, ra chem's going to add to my workload (but thank God i got in! :D), and econs is as of yet uncharted territory that i may find myself floundering in if it turns out that i have as much flair for econs as i do for social studies.

and for ccas, my mum is against my joining dance (although i'm going to be terrible and go all out for it anyway, because dance is one of the few things i love insanely). but even then, i also have no idea how i'm going to get a good cca record if i take dance, seeing that i have practically zero experience there.

unless i join writers' guild/alchemy club. but in any case, to choose only one of the two is going to be a most heartbreaking decision indeed. oh well.

but whatever, really.

i just hope i can do what i've set out for my brother myself - capitalise on those strengths and work on my weaknesses!

so thank God he's in hci (really, there's nothing bad about his performance so far) and thank God for rachem; and where'd i put those econs books?

---------
oh before i forget, i shall just say that i've been perfectly fine these few days- but thankyou for asking if i'm okay anywayy(:

you see, i'm just missing people. which is normal anyway, with your best friend overseas(: [yiting when are you coming backkkk; it seems like ages until i'll talk to you again!]

not forgetting the fact that shinyi's phone is terribly wonky and delays the delivery of smses so ridiculously we gave up smsing entirely haha. oh well, things should be back to normal next year right xD

because i got bored...

2008-12-15T20:07:00.007+08:00

because i got bored...
...of a) doing nothing much while waiting for 15 minutes to be over so i can go on mousehunt again. b) attempting to do splits haha. c) fantasising/daydreaming like i find myself increasingly doing these few days.

and because i had to find something else to do. cuz it's just so hard to stop thinking about you.
and for some reason, i find myself picking out lines of lyrics. again, maybe.

but whatever.

if you're bored too you can go guess the songs they're from xD

hey i've been watching you-
every little thing you do
every time i see you pass
in my homeroom class
makes my heart beat fast.
...i think you're fine
you really blow my mind.
maybe, someday, you and me can run away.

when you're gone,
the pieces of my heart are missing you.
and when you're gone,
the face i came to know is missing too.
and when you're gone,
the words i need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it okay-
i miss you.

too far to turn around,
so i'm gonna stand my ground
give me just a little bit of hope,
with a smile or a glance,
give me one more chance.

but i wish that it was still last night
...when i go away i'll miss you
and i will be thinking of you
every day and night, just
promise me you'll wait for me
cuz i'll be saving all my love for you
...promise me you'll wait for me
i need to know you feel the same way too

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears.
and if you have to leave,
i wish that you would just leave
for your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone.
these wounds won't seem to heal;
this pain is just too real-
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
...you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the
life you left behind.
your face, it haunts
my once pleasant dreams.
your voice it chased away
all the sanity in me.
these wounds won't seem to heal;
this pain is just too real-
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
...i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
but though you're still with me
i've been alone
all along.

i seem to have too many emo songs for my own good, eh.

and i seem to get too bored nowadays for my own good too.

and my dreams nowadays seem to show too much how paradiasical life used to be.

because i seem to wake up with my thoughts running so wild every morning.
you're driving me crazy with missing you, you know that?
if only you knew.
i remember telling you that i don't dream when you asked me if i'd dream of you.
i was wrong.

beijing!

2008-12-07T20:35:00.017+08:00

beijing!
wheeee yes i'm back from beijing :D

haha actl the moment i saw the computer in my hotel room i had the notion to update every day about my trip, but really, running around in a winter country when there's a cold front is just too tiring sometimes xD

no matter, though - i'm still here to update!

--------
day one - 301108:
last-minute packingggg xD and making sure all the winter stuff was in our hand luggage and not stowed in the check-in luggage otherwise we'd freeze on the way to the hotel.

then my uncle came and sent us to the airport, had lunch there, met my aunt and family, checked in, etcetc. met ruth at the entrance to the departure area too xD what a coincidence.

and since we were superrr early [we had 1.5 hours till boarding time] we did various things. i hijacked an internet kiosk and shun bian charged my ipod xD then we went to the butterfly garden [it wasn't open the last time we were at terminal 3]. we stayed there until it was time to go - i srsly photospammed there haha.

i realised i photospammed even more on the plane; i just love how beautiful the sky was. the pure magic of nature, i say. and as i was telling my mum, this is the view people go climbing up mountains for. to see the 云海, as they call it. absolute perfection.

reached beijing 20 minutes ahead of schedule; met our tour guide cindy, headed straight for the hotel, unpacked etcetc, and promptly fell asleep. travelling sure is tiring.

--------
day two - 011208:
woke up, had a hard time getting my superrr sleepy brothers to even roll out of bed [yes, roll, not even climb off the bed], then went to get breakfast. and after this was when the trip really started.

first stop - the summer palace [颐和园]
i love the scenery here. now i know why 慈禧太后 spent half the year here instead of staying in the forbidden city. and the lake in the summer palace takes up 75% of the palace's area; and it's shaped like a peach to symbolise longevity. and there are other nice little things lying all over the palace - things like the willows waving in the wind, the soft sunshine, the wonderful softly blowing winds, etcetc. and there's still the interesting chinese culture so prevalent there xD for example, the stone lions guarding the entrance to the palace are like, one male one female, and you can tell which one's male and which one's female because the female has a lion cub under her paw and the male lion has a ball under his, because males in those days were playboys. hahaha xD oh, and they actl had a telephone there! somehow the summer palace feels like one of those things that belong to some long-forgotten era, and yet you know it wasn't that long ago that there was still an emperor on the chinese throne.

second stop - tea house.
haha apparently the chinese government specially arranges for these random cultural trips for tour groups that visit china. and it just so happens that i do like chinese tea xD so at the end of it, we were going to buy 田七花茶. one big tin of it was going for 500RMB, but somehow my parents managed to bargain until we got that, one small tin of 东方美仁 [that's top grade 乌龙茶], and two bricks of 22-year-old 普洱茶 [which is a really really superior grade of tea] all for 1000RMB. and let me just say that the original price of the 普洱茶 was 600RMB per brick. wonderful bargaining skills my parents have.

third stop - lunch! at this beautiful restaurant with windows overlooking the road which had willows growing on both sides, so the window view was srsly awesome. and they were playing soothing music there - to quote my mum, you feel so relaxed you could just drop off into dreamland.

fourth stop - tiananmen square [天安门广场]
the biggest urban open square in the world, apparently. when we went there the wind was up and blowing like maaad! that's why in half the pictures of me the corner of my coat got blown up -.- zzzt. and i realised that there's actl a road running between tiananmen square and tiananmen itself - we had to take the underpass to get to tiananmen and then through to the forbidden city. i thought tiananmen was at the front of the square, really xD such a blunder.

fifth stop - the forbidden city [紫禁城]
yknow, i wiki-ed this before the trip and the on the layout it didn't seem thaaat big. but when we actl went there, it was gate after gate after gate after gate before we actually saw the building where the emperors held court. and there's this enormous long flight of steps leading up to the building, because the intended effect was that everyone had to look up to see the emperor, which gave the impression that we were looking up to the heavens. such reverence. and there are a whole lot of nice cultural tidbits here too. too many to put here, really xD

sixth stop - acrobatics performance
this was just amazing - the things these kids could do. if i tried to describe the performance i'd be spoiling the magic, for words just can't accurately portray it.

seventh stop - dinner!
at some imperial dining restaurant. where we had super good food. and my brothers and cousins were so terribly hyper they made a horrible amount of noise which i believe annoyed the family at the table behind us. oops.

eighth stop - wangfujing street/food street.
the orchard road of beijing! where everything is super expensive, like in orchard. the difference between the two? wangfujing street has much more open space than orchard road. which is nicer, if you ask me. and the food street ahahaha. all the weird exotic food! fried scorpions/silkworms/starfish/seahorses - you name it, they probably have it. and yes they have weirder things than those aforementioned, but i'm not listing them here. too disturbing xD

--------
day three - 021208:
first stop:

[edit: this post is still being updated, cuz there are too many places/too many things to be said/described in one sitting. meanwhile photos are on facebook, as usual!]

to beijing! :D

2008-11-29T21:38:00.003+08:00

to beijing! :D
haha yep i'll be off to beijing for a week from tmr until next sunday!

meanwhile i just checked the weather report for beijing for the next 5 days, and it got my brothers and i jumping like mad xD xD

here it is:

a) the temperature! thursday's and friday's ftw! ahaha i've never been to such a cold country before - the temperature's definitely sub-zero for both days xD [and neither have my brothers, so we're all really excited.]

b) chance of snow on wednesday night! :D wheeeeeee. who cares if beijing's snow is grey because of the pollution; it's still snow!

okay i should really be going now, because i still have some last-minute packing to do and i'm only on the computer because i was supposed to check the weather forecast and clear my cam's memory, but i was so excited i just had to post this xD

so it's sayonara until next sunday then; meanwhile, take care, God bless! [and don't miss me too much! ahaha xD]

maybes and what-ifs.

2008-11-28T17:37:00.007+08:00

maybes and what-ifs.
maybe i should be obsessing less over my emo songs.
but what if the reason for that was because they speak my thoughts?
maybe life's never meant to be a fairy tale.
but what if through the tears and the heartaches, we make our own fairy tale?

maybe things were meant to turn out this way.
but what if things still can be changed?

maybe good times were never meant to last forever.
but what if having those memories was enough?

maybe memories were meant to be just memories.
but what if we treasured those memories and let them live forever in our hearts?

maybe people were just meant to grow further and further apart with time.
but what if there's always a reason for that happening, and all you have to do is to find that reason and reverse it?

maybe things just hardly ever go the way i want them to go.
but what if i just have to work at making my dreams come true?

maybe she wasn't meant to have him anyway, because he was such an angel God had to take him away from her.
but what if she can't carry on without him?

maybe love just wasn't meant for them.
but what if it was; all they have to do is to give it another chance?

maybe i should just be happy that i once had what i used to have instead of crying over its loss.
but what if it just took a little more effort to get it back?

maybe it wouldn't matter what i did, because it wouldn't make a difference anymore.
but what if it would; how'd i know it wouldn't make a difference?

maybe somewhere along the line, i made a mistake.
but what if i had a chance to make things right again?

maybe you wouldn't give me that chance anymore.
but what if you, or someone else, would?

just a random thought.

2008-11-26T18:50:00.004+08:00

just a random thought.
maybe it's just me, but don't you think it's kinda sad how you can sign in to msn and see all the poeple who are online, but never talk to them at all? or even better/worse, haven't talked to them in eternity even if you've always noticed they're online?

it may be just anyone - ex-classmates [from primary sch/sec sch/third lang/tuition/whatever]; friends from elsewhere [church, etc?] - but what i thought was lamentable was the fact that you were once friends that talked to each other on a regular basis, or even maybe friends so close that you'd be on msn every day just to talk to each other/sms every single free minute of the day when you couldn't be on msn, but now there just doesn't seem to be anything to talk about between you.

it's practically like, i know you're online; you know i'm online, but all we do is just go back to life without even saying hi. and that makes me wonder: just what on earth happened?

then, at this point in time, i can't help but think back on the times we used to have. and so here am i, just thinking - do you still think of me these few days? because i just did.

so how's life been?
because i've been missing you. insanely.
i pined for you so much today i cried again.
and i wish you'd believe this; ily.

sure feels like something's missing..

2008-11-24T19:53:00.004+08:00

sure feels like something's missing..
"and the days feel like years when i'm alone
...
when you walk away i count the steps that you take;
do you see how much i need you right now?

when you're gone,
the pieces of my heart are missing you.
when you're gone,
the face i came to know is missing too.
when you're gone ,
the words i need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it okay -
i miss you.

i've never felt this way before
everything that i do reminds me of you."

i miss my ICYL group. and all the friends i've made throughout those 5 days.

if only we had more than just 5 days; if only we could have had more time together.

if only.

but i guess part of what makes me cherish all of them even more is the fact that i'll probably never see them for a very very very long time, if at all. especially the indians/vietnamese, ghea, who's indonesian, and winnie, who's from hong kong. [speaking of winnie she's really cute, you should have seen how big her eyes were when she saw i was reading 'the thirteenth tale' by diane setterfield in the taiwanese fan2 ti3 edition xD i quote: 'whoaa you can read traditional chinese too? i can't read simplified!']

honestly, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

then again, i'm glad we had what we had; thanks for all the great times and memories i'll never forget.

love you guys;

amanda. zan. saanya. faaiza. shagun. thu. nga. trang. linh. aisyah. sarah. atiqa. shinyi.

and pristine. jetaime. eugenia. tessa. jocelyn. kristin. winnie. aiza. rahmah. and the other people in clark whom i went out with but whose names i can't rmb ><
miss you too.
[and i'm always saying 'love you; miss you' to someone else too, but oh well ><]

FAM! [and farewells.]

2008-11-14T18:50:00.010+08:00

FAM! [and farewells.]
this post shall be dedicated to FAM'08 :D [and it's partly because this is my 100th post and it deserves to go to something important xD] okay i predict i'll end up rambling towards the end, but whatever.

well fam was supposed to start at 6, so i was going to shinyi's house to prepare/change/slack/help her with her stuff/whatever at 3 or so. then i got an sms saying that i could get my phone back [cuz i sent it for repair the day before] so i detoured to wisma. ended up reaching shinyi's at 4 ><

on top of that i still had to finish attaching the chain to my necklace/make the crystal chain for my hairclip, so i think we actually got started on fam preparations/changing/etc at uh..5? yiting came at around that time, but we ended up taking a horribly long time to change and all she decided to walk over to jingxiao's and hitch a ride with her instead.

and after we changed, there were still a gazillion things to do - make-up/hair, for example. and when we finished, we realised it was already 6.25 or so. gasp. after some frenzied rushing about tying shawls and etc, we chionged all the way to marriott; reached there at 6.45, then realised that we were actl quite early. as shinyi's mum said, 'aiya they put 6.00pm on the ticket knowing that you girls will be late and arrive at 7 anyway so since dinner will start at 7, they put 6. smart.'

so since we were actl earlier than quite a few people, the phototaking frenzy started! xD it's at this time that i wish my mum had bought a camera earlierrrr zomg my phone camera isn't the best of things to take pictures with in red lighting/when the photographer you hijacked is laden with a few requests to take pictures for other people and shifts the camera before the silly slow phone can save it, which results in very blurred pictures. oh well.

not forgetting that my phone cam can't zoom arghh. terrible.

but on the other hand, the food was quite good, honestly. and the performances ahaha! rj street dance owns. and the miss FAM pageant! comic entertainment. but the nominees' performances<3! haha.

after the food, it was picture time again! year pic/class pic/pics with friends i found while going through the room trying to get pics with teachers. and mr yeoh's camera didn't take our picture, it died just before the shutter snapped. so i don't have my picture with him and shinyi after all ): oh well. at least we had one with ms koh and ms tan. and i wanted one with mrs hoo, but somehow she wasn't anywhere to be found.

that reminds me - photos on facebook! http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=42145&l=9dce4&id=836133356 :D :D

and people who took pictures with me/of me/those that i hijacked cameras from but haven't sent me their pictures send me please! :D oh haha and i want my picture with xinxuan too xD but i don't know if she'll send it to me. oh well.

then again, who we had pictures of doesn't really matter; what matters is that the memories of being with those that had walked with us through our rgs life remain with us as long as we live. because ultimately, the thing i miss most about rg isn't the building itself [although i do miss it, a little] but rather, it's the people that have, one way or other, made a difference in my life.

four years. from the 'scruffy little girls' to the 'bright and talented young ladies and leaders of tomorrow', we've sure come a long way. we've all grown, some way or other. and everyone around us has seen us mature and [to quote mr yeoh] blossom into who we are today. so many of us with leadership posts, the pillars holding up our respective ccas' excos, classes, houses, leadership boards etc. but who knew, four years ago, that we'd come so far? i'd never have guessed, honestly. i'd never have thought i could be where i am today.

and so, to everyone that has made a difference in my rg life - teachers/friends/seniors/juniors/other people like the non-teaching staff [as mrs hoo likes to say, 'never forget the hardworking green man who keeps your school clean all the time!' and the librarians who suddenly said 'good luck and all the best to you, my dear!' to me on the last day of sch when they realised i was a secfour and i was leaving the school forever] - thankyou. maybe you didn't realise it, but what you did may have changed my life forever. God bless. <3.

indecision.

2008-11-05T19:42:00.005+08:00

indecision.
is it better to try and get everything you wanted and risk failing, or is it better to settle for something less but that which you already have?

that's what i keep asking myself nowadays.

thing is, i can't decide. it's not that the latter isn't enough - it's actually more than i could ask for, but it's just not everything, or close to everything, that i want. and i can't make up my mind whether being content but not perrrfectly content, or trying to get as close to perfection as you can but risking everything you have is better.

yiting says i should just wait until i've decided. maybe that's what i should do. although not everyone may want to wait as long as i'm willing to. i have no idea.

but really, i'm getting more and more convinced that i should just be happy with what i have and stop chasing [possibly impossible] dreams. my perfectionist stance is somewhat wavering. [yeahyeah maybe you're winning me over. a little by a little.]
i don't know, honestly. i can't decide. still. God help me.

so long, farewell; it's time to say goodbye.

2008-11-03T19:39:00.009+08:00

so long, farewell; it's time to say goodbye.
four years.

说长不长，说短却又不短。

sure, i've got my fair share of good memories and bad times, but it's the memories i'll always treasure. i'll really miss the times we had, but i'll miss the people i've come to love even more. it's a pity this had to end, that it won't last forever.

可是在今天做的一篇综合填空里看到这么一句话 --- 一件事情的结束，永远是另一件事情的开启。

i'm looking forward to next year too, though. for various reasons. for one, better canteen/food! xD for another, to quote daniel, half the nyps gep batch is in raffles :D

人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺。有些人只不过和我们在人生道路上轻轻插肩而过，但也有些人和我们共同走了一段时间，难免地，会影响到彼此。或许也会在彼此的记忆、人生中留下了深深的印象。

i can't help but wonder, just how much of a difference have i made these past four years?

但是最终，不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。

[photos of farewell another time, soon. i promise. i'm tired out after so much chinese already.]

70 questions.

2008-10-29T17:08:00.003+08:00

70 Questions.
for i'm in need of a distraction and i promised i wouldn't get too zibei over results. [people are complaining that they aren't getting their 3.8+ gpas and ending up with only 3.7+ arghhh ><] so yeah.

1) Where is the person you want most right now?
i have no idea. actually, he could be anywhere; just not by my side ><
2) What are two things that mean a lot?
God, and everyone else i love. haha okay that's kinda cheating, i realised xD
3) Where will you be 12 hours from now?
school. at some talk on 'how to ace that interview'.
4) Who has your heart lately?
i'm not telling, obviously ._. if you know me well enough you'll know.
5) When did you last cry?
i can't remember. that's good.
6) Can you make yourself cry?
no. unless reading emo books or watching emo movies or thinking emo thoughts count.
7) What are you planning to do today?
slack for a little, knit, study chinese. and find my mya/eya chinese papers.
8) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
honestly i don't know; because although there are things i'd like to change, there are things i'd like to keep too.
9) What are your favorite colors?
haha check my profile page; black, pink, chocolate brown!
10) Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter F?
no. i haven't even kissed anyone >.>
11) Have you ever fainted?
almost, after prolonged drill in the sun in full uniform.
12) What are you doing tomorrow?
going to school to get back chinese prelims. then mugging chinese. then back to school for aforementioned talk. and probably being amazed that the next day's the last day of school already.
13) Are you easily confused?
unfortunately, yes.
14) Do you think you would make a good wife?
i'll definitely try to. it also would depend on my husband's definition of a good wife, no?
15) What’s your favorite kind of cream?
haha ice cream/whipped cream xD yes i know it's very sinful.
16) Do you like coffee?
nope.
17) Do you like summer?
depends on which country it's in!
18) Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
well, no. no one that's treated me 'like crap', anyway.
19) Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
yes! brown that shines orange-ish in the sun<3
20) Where were you at 8am this morning?
in school.
21) Do you fall for people easily?
depends. yes, normally. no if i've already fallen for someone, naturally.
22) Everything happens for a reason?
hmm. i would say so. except perhaps, love?
23) Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?
shinyi/shaowei
24) How was your day today?
average. meaning a good mix of good and bad.
25) How was the week?
average, really.
26) Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
definitely. but some things are just difficult to say, or aren't meant to be said at this point in time.
27) What are your biggest turn offs?
being a wet blanket, for one.
28) Favorite to wear?
whatever looks decent? xD oh, and slippers ahaha. pretty ones. i want.
29) Do you prefer being single or taken?
taken. you people should know this already haha xD
30) Have you ever felt replaced?
yes.
31) Are you only friends with the rich?
no. although it may seem so. yiting and shinyi haha.
32) Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
yeah.
33) What do you do when you have a bad day?
talk to people on msn [read: rant/emo to them]; blog; do random things.
34) Do you believe ex's can really ever be "just friends"?
definitely. it's true. i should know this.
35) Is cheating ever okay?
it depends on the severity of it, and the circumstances. but cheating on your other half, never.
36) Do you get shy around the people you like?
yeah. to an extent.
37) Do you dislike liars?
well. it depends, again on the circumstances.
38) Does anyone want to ask you out right now?
i don't think so. at least, if there is i don't know that he wants to ask me out.
39) Would you get married right now if you could?
no. sixteen's too young, honestly. when i'm twenty-two, maybe.
40) What will you do on Sunday?
go for chinese tuition. and probably mug chinese.
41) What’s your least favorite food?
durians. eggplants too. i can't decide which i dislike more.
42) What are you most afraid of?
having the whole world desert me forever.
43) What sounds good right now?
cold blackforest cake! and the three words i want to hear, naturally.
44) What was the last thing you drank?
water.
45) If you took a drug test would you pass it?
well i passed my pharm chem options test, so yes? xD
46) Are you a really understanding person?
well i'll be there to listen, but as to whether i'm really understanding or not, it honestly depends on who you ask.
47) What’s tomorrow?
the dreaded return of the chinese prelims; and chinese mugging session. that talk seems insubstantial next to these two.
48) How are you feeling?
hmm. rather ambivalent now, actually.
49)A fact about the person you don’t like?
can't think of a general trait now.
50)What happened at 10:00 am today?
running around rp for rgsquest.
51)Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
no.
52)Something you just don’t understand?
how something that was just perfect could disappear within such a short time..
53)What is the last thing someone bought you?
my birthday cake, i think.
54) When was the last time you saw your third best friend?
hmm who'd that be in the first place? geneve? on tuesday.
55) Where did you last eat?
tangs. lunch with chele, which ended up in prom window-shopping xD
56) Name someone whose name starts with the letter K?
hmmmm. keshia? she's the first one that comes to mind, but then i don't really know people with names starting with k.
57) Who’s the person you miss most right now?
i'm not telling, obviously ._. if you know me well enough you'll know.
58) Do you plan on moving out in the next year?
well, moving out of rg and into rj! oh darn, it'll be called ri(jc) by then.
59) What were you doing at 11:30pm last Friday night?
hmm i think i was asleep already xD
60) Honestly, how many people have you been in love with?
ehheh. a riddle; as many people as the number of holes a pair of new socks has. hahaha xD
61) Do you have a job?
well, officially, a student.
62) What are you doing besides this meme?
listening to music/playing mousehunt on facebook/talking on msn.
63) What are your plans in the future?
do well for alvls and get to uni and do what i want to do? either drug research, or hopefully i get to stay home and look after the kids xD
64) What is your current problem?
haha this one's kinda obv. i don't have to say it ._.
65) What’s your hobby?
check my profile page! xD okay fine. knitting/writing/blogging/etc haha.
66) Who was the last person you saw?
either my gran or one of my brothers. i don't even remember, they keep walking past me.
67) Who is the last person you freaked out on?
honestly, i don't remember.
68) Do you like someone right now?
again, this is obvious, if you've been paying attention to my previous answers.
69) Do you regret anything that you have done?
definitely.
70) Do you get pissed off easily?
usually, no. but it depends on whether i've been frazzled enough that i can't stand a disturbance i deem unnecessary. like when i have something due the next day and i'm trying to chiong.

because i'm bored (and i don't feel like studying chinese now)

2008-10-26T21:52:00.007+08:00

because i'm bored (and i don't feel like studying chinese now).
hehh the title says it all. although i still think i should be studying for chinese, my brain's just dead, for now. zzzzzt. another time.

and i got bullied into re-living the horror of my mya and eya chinese papers >< arghhh.

somehow people say that chinese is like one of those subjects where [to put it in the words of my cousin] 'you study also don't do well, don't study also don't do well, just don't study anyway and get a life.'

i'm rethinking my opinion that chinese is a subject like that, though. it's an open secret that rg chinese papers are really difficult and the teachers mark strictly, but somehow there are people that ace them anyway. and no i'm not talking about the prc scholars. but there's no harm studying for it anyway, i guess. at least [and i'm proud to say this] i don't hate the language. chinese is a most wonderful language; it's just that the way they teach/assess it in school is, for lack of a better word, absolutely demoralising.

i still can't really believe that within 4 years, my chinese standard [and yiting's too] can drop from 95% to 60+%, what on earth. shall just hope that tuitions and mugging can produce a miracle and get me that A.

on a side note, i'm flying to beijing from 30th nov to 7th dec :D

yiting please please tell me your family can go with us too! it'll so be totally awesome if we could go off on a holiday together, no? <3

of kids' names and math lessons.

2008-10-17T21:22:00.004+08:00

of kids' names and math lessons.
absolutely hilarious conversations have been going on these few days! they're wonderful entertainment, i say. and i was actually going to write this on wednesday, but my exhaustion kept me from it. so here it is, now.

wednesday morning, across the road from school:
lisa: if you had twins, what'd you name them?
celene: hmm. rose and sage!
me: hey what about rose and mary! xD
lisa: hm that's if they were a boy and a girl or both girls; what about if they were both boys!
celene: well that's easy; ben and jerry!
me: whaa-?
-all three of us hereby break out in laughter at the idea of naming twins ben and jerry after the ice-cream chain.-

wednesday, math lesson:
first lesson of the topic of vectors, and mr ng's trying to teach the class [who doesn't all take phys] the difference between a scalar and a vector in his typical dramatic fashion, if i may say so. keyword being 'trying' xD

mr ng: now if you say that your weight is 50kg...you are WRONG.
shinyi: yeah you mean that your weight is 500N.
mr ng: -doesn't hear shinyi or doesn't register that she said smth and continues- weight is defined as mass x acceleration due to free fall, also known as g in physics......blahblah

[aside conversation between shinyi and i]

me: oh man this is really turning into a phys lesson -.- let's go and do the worksheet instead.
shinyi: yeah.
me: and they should really have taught us vectors for math before they started teaching us how to resolve vectors for phys, because there was so much confusion about what on earth a vector was initally.
shinyi: agreed.

-some silence as we do our math worksheet. meanwhile the math-turned-phys lesson drones on-

me: yayy i'm done with worksheet 1! -looks up at whiteboard to track class' progress- zzzzt i'm going to do worksheet 2 too.

at this point in time, mr ng hasn't even gone past the first half of pg 2 of worksheet 1; and even then that's actually the first page of the worksheet since pg 1's just an introduction -.-

and by the end of the lesson i'd already finished worksheet 2.

which meant that the next lesson on thursday...

thursday, math lesson:
since i was already done with worksheets 1&2, i happily forged ahead with worksheet 3. [once again, i love the teachers who give a whole stack of worksheets ahead of time, especially math and chem worksheets, because i'll never be bored/do random things in class, due to the fact that i'd end up being occupied doing those worksheets ahead of the class.]

-looks up after a while to keep track of where the class is-

mr ng: -continuing from his lesson- ...in real life they never give you everything.
me: whaa-?!
mr ng: -continues- they're very stingy and only give you a and b.

haha if you haven't really been paying attention to the thread of the lesson like me [><], it sounds absurd. for a moment i thought he jumped into one of his philosophical discussions on life again xD

[translation; a and b meaning the vectors a and b. and the worksheet was on resolving them, i think. so naturally they'd only give you the vectors since you're expected to find the angles/distances etc.]

thursday, hist options.
mr mizar suddenly has this wonderful idea to give us a pop quiz. read: quiz on pop music. of the 1960's.

and we were going through the answers, and this is what mr mizar wrote: 'House of the Animals'

then he stares at the board.

mr mizar: EH 'House of the Animals'?! eh whoops salah la it's House of the Rising Sun - guess who's the band/artiste?
class: The Animals. [duhh -.-]
mr mizar: not bad eh you girls smart! then again i stupid la write out the answer for you already hahaha.

wheeee.

results.

2008-10-15T00:25:00.009+08:00

results.

got back the last of my papers ytd. i could have done better, but on account on the fact that my gpa made the biggest jump from myas to eyas ever, i guess i'm content.

disclaimer: all these are just what i calculated based on midyear's progress report and what i know of the weightages for each subject, and they're before any form of moderation, so they're still subject to change.

4.0's: bio/phys/math [double weightage]

3.6's: ss/eng/chem

3.2: chinese

2.8: lit

average gpa: (4x4.0 + 3x3.6 + 3.2 + 2.8) / 9

which equals 3.64.

not bad, really. it's my highest average gpa ever [not counting last year's 3.69 because it was 3.60 before moderation] and like i said, the biggest jump from my midyear gpa ever. i thought last year's jump from 3.38 to 3.60 was miraculous already; but that's cuz my secone gpa only jumped uhh a little bit. i can't rmb how much, but it was a small bit. and my sectwo gpa stayed constant, so. haha but this year! 3.29 to 3.64; yayy.

and i'm glad to add that none of my gpas have dropped from midyears; meaning everything either stayed the same or improved :D

okay let's analyse.

good ones:

- math! whee all my tests [and the pt] this year except for mya got 4.0 grades, so this was expected; but still, not bad, even if i say so myself xD sustained performances are the best.

- bio. i'm really happy for second sem's performance, cuz first sem was a 71 only. for second sem, spa was full marks, and eya was 43/50, which was awesome because i really wasn't expecting a 4.0 for bio, to be honest(:

- ss. haha barely scraped a 71 for this, but i'm happy because i managed to sustain last year's 3.6. this one improved up from 68 [or a 3.2] in midyears. okay it's not a lot, but considering that my grade for last year's pt was really unexpectedly good and helped majorly towards last year's gpa, and this year's grades are only average, it's good enough for me.

- lit. yes, even though it was the worst of my gpas and they're not moderating it, but i'm happy with my second sem's performance. i failed lit for first sem, and my eya's unseen text essay was the best i've ever written in my four years of taking lit. 21/25; for once >80% wheee. add that to the 14/25 for the short story essay, and 35/50's good enough for me. good enough to drag up my 1.6 to a 2.8, at least. awesome.

okay-ish ones:

- phys. okay first sem was good; 87%. but somehow i screwed up the eya. silly things like missing out on key phrases etc ><>

- english. just missed a 4.0 for this one; and i know it's good enough, but i still think i could have done better for eyas cuz my vocab section was phail ><>

can do better ones:

- chem. my pet subject, and it only gets a dismal 2.8 for first sem. i cry. drat both spas; and my midyear marks were...just terrible. blehhh. moral of the story; read the qn at least twice so you don't miss out on any marks and screw the whole spa up / just anyhow crap up some logical answer for qns that you don't know how to answer; even haphazard guesses get sympathy marks sometimes. and even second sem wasn't up to standard; the eya paper was so darned easy and i only get 61/70. and as shinyi points out, she's been thrashing me for chem the whole year. what on earth has happened to my chem! ):

- chinese. hahh. nothing's ever been as bad as chinese, except maybe chem? srsly la eya summary 10.5/20 wth -.- and the main paper's performance arghhh. at least my zuowen was okay; 45/70. that's what i've been getting the whole of this year. even my gonghan has failed me; what usually gets 17 only fetched a 14. bahh. better study super hard for chinese o levels. soon.

yep that's it. good ones and bad ones, but overall still decent! although i could have done better. but oh well. people would tell me i should stop complaining because my average is after all, above 3.6. and yes that means i met my goal for this year! because after last year's luck i so wanted to get >3.6 before moderation. thank God.

of exams.

2008-10-09T23:35:00.002+08:00

of exams.
only two more papers [and two more PTs] to go before i can calculate my gpa for the year. english back tmr, chinese on monday. and i'll only update about results after i get the whole lot back, so don't expect anything till after 13th/14th, when we get our last PT back. meanwhile i shall cross my fingers and hope i do fine for them, and that they moderate things like lit/chinese! i so need to reproduce last year's gpa of 3.69 ><

but anyway. my results aside; i shan't worry about things that haven't even been confirmed yet - good luck and jiayou to the ri/ny people for exams! [chem notes, anyone?(:]

and happy sixteenth to derhui; go play pool! it's legal for you soon [like, in 25 minutes haha!] xD

yet another random meme.

2008-10-03T21:10:00.006+08:00

yet another random meme.
i seem to keep going through them at an alarming rate. but that's probably because i'm getting confused by people. haiz.
oh well; but here it is anyway.

If you get more than 30 you're paranoid. If you get 10 or less you are fearless.

Please tell the truth! Post your result here or make a journal.
[ ]the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[ ] being myself in front of others...
[ ] open spaces.
[x] closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] cats
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[x] spiders and/or other insects
[ ] driving or being in cars
[ ] flying on a plane
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire (honestly that depends on the intensity of the fire ._.)
[ ] water
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] germs
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] mice/rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] cotton balls.
[ ] cemeteries (at night, yesh.)
[ ] clowns
[ ] large crowds
[ ] crossing bridges
[ ] death
[ ] Heaven
[x] being robbed
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibility
[ ] doctors
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[ ] diseases (depends on how potent it is.)
[x] snakes (well, the poisonous ones!)
[x] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] poverty
[ ] ghosts
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains or railroads
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone (forever)
[ ] being blind
[ ] being deaf
[ ] growing up.
[ ] monsters under my bed

hmm. so i'm fearless? haha nope. no wayy; i'm still mortal.
and not immune to believing people when they say they'll wait. i shan't give chances so easily again. no way. it totally wasn't easy for me to give a chance, but giving up too early isn't gna help. not in any way. and i probably won't give anyone a chance for a very long time already. too bad. NOW i am utterly confused. pfft. -feels like picking some unfortunate flower clean of its petals-

random meme again.

2008-09-29T21:41:00.004+08:00

random meme again.
for the sake of dispelling boredom, and also because i need a distraction. from missing someone too much ._.
koped from yiting; food meme this time. interesting.

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. [which essentially means most of the alcoholic things, for me -.-]

01. Venison (quite few people seem to have eaten this. Hasn't anyone ever had black pepper venison at Chinese restaurants?)
02. Nettle tea
03. Huevos rancheros
04. Steak tartar
05. Crocodile
06. Black pudding
07. Cheese fondue
08. Carp
09. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho (nope, but i expect i'll end up eating this when i fly off to vietnam at the end of the year! it's a vietnamese dish, if you haven't already figured out)
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (hmm. nope. since ice wine's made from grapes as well. although people have been telling me to try choya [plum wine].)
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries (nope. i wish i can, though.)
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas (yes yiting, i never want to again too.)
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (soup in sourdough bowls win! :D)
33. Salted lassi (i've heard of mango lassi, but a salted one? -raises eyebrow dubiously-)
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float (though i'm not a fan of root beer)
~~36. Cognac with a fat cigar~~ (underage. and i hate alcohol and smoking -.-)
37. Clotted cream tea
~~38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O~~ (alcoholic; no way.)
39. Gumbo (someone kindly enlighten me on what this is thankyou)
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat (if it's mutton curry or rendang... yeah.)
~~42. Whole insects~~ (zomg insects?! -runs awayy-)
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
~~45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more~~ (underage. and i hate alcohol, so probably never will end up drinking that)
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel (bones can get annoying)
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut (someone buy for me? :D :D)
50. Sea urchin (my dad says yes, but i don't remember xD)
51. Prickly pear (well, if the chocolate made from this counts, then yes.)
52. Umeboshi (from umeya! xD)
53. Abalone (haha thanks to yiting who brought to school in p6 xD)
54. Paneer (cheese, says yiting.)
55. McDonald's Big Mac Meal (I prefer their breakfasts)
56. Spaetzle
~~57. Dirty gin martini~~ (underage. and alcoholic, so nope.)
~~58. Beer above 8%~~ (never. beer's worse than wine.)
59. Poutine (well from what i infer from yiting's comment, i presume they're cheese fries.)
60. Carob chips
61. S'mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin (no idea what this is)
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (NEVER WANT TO EAT THIS AGAIN)
66. Frogs' legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain (aka goreng pisang)
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette (stuffed pigs' intestines)
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
~~73. Louche absinthe~~ (underage. and alcoholic.)
74. Gjetost, or brunost
~~75. Roadkill~~ (srsly, no thankyou.)
~~76. Baijiu (Chinese distilled alcohol)~~ (underage. and this is veryy alcoholic. definite no-no.)
77. Hostess Fruit Pie (well, if this means fruit pie in general, yes.)
78. Snail (nope. for all the times i've said i wanted to try escargot.)
79. Lapsang souchong (some sort of tea, so maybe i'll go try it.)
~~80. Bellini (Cocktail)~~ (underage. and alcoholic.)
81. Tom yum (tom yam)
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky (definitely! haha mr ow and his pocky during philo xD)
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant (i've never even been to one)
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate (just what sort of chocolate it this? and it's chocolate; so as long as it's not alcoholic i'll try it xD)
91. Spam (whaaat? since when was spam food!)
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa (no idea what this is)
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox (interesting. salmon fillet with a bagel. sounds good, no? xD)
~~97. Lobster Thermidor~~ (alcoholic seafood? i'll pass, though i love lobster.)
98. Polenta (what's this o.o)
~~99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee~~ (don't drink coffee.)
100. Snake (this is kinda dubious.)

officially sixteen!

2008-09-22T19:23:00.017+08:00

officially sixteen!
as of this minute; 1923 hours.

today really rocked. honestly; it rocked beyond expectations. right from ytd i had birthday wishes coming in alr. primarily on msn; and mr yeoh's facebook message xD

not forgetting my triple birthday wish from thomas at 11.59pm ytd! haha he wanted to wait till the very last minute but he was 24 hours early xD but it's okay. because it's the thought that counts; and that was the best one i've received so far(:

my presents own too, if i may say so! only five so far, but they srsly own. pics another time; i'm laaazy now; will edit this post when i get them downloaded to my computer xD

1) from lisa: a superr cute pink pillow with a fluffy heart on top; and a lovely hand-drawn card. and it's so lovely i thought it was printed at first/she bought it, until i saw the signature on the picture :D

2) from yiting: part one of her present, she says. [part two tmr!] the other day i was at chinatown getting charms etc to make lisa's earrings, she found this super pretty shell pendant thing with silver dolphins on it. and i have a dolphin fetish; so naturally i was like, zomg i wantttt! but it was really ex, so i didn't get it. next thing i know, she gets it for me, attaches a keychain string, and affixes to it four pretty silver wings. result? a most marvellous keychain. yiting you rockk. love you(:

3) from my brothers: a pack of tao kae noi seaweed. maybe it doesn't seem like anything much, after my two hand-made presents on top, but really, from my brothers who usually don't even give me anything, it means alot already(:

4) from my whole family [my mum's idea!]: my notebook got hijacked [it's still being hijacked now xD] and my entire family minus my gran who can't write much is writing me notes. simple, but really meaningful<3

5) from my dad: my cake! just before he left for work he asked me what i wanted; and like the so many years when i was a kid i said 'blackforest!' again xD and he went and bought the 'most special looking' cake ahhh<3

[and there's still my celebration on weds, when we're gna play pool! xD]

and alot alot of people wished me a happy sixteenth. in fact, a record 27 people.

ytd's:
1) mr yeoh!
2) kenneth
3) chewlin
4) zongxian
5) ning [whose birthday is one day before mine!]

today's!
6) thomas [and his triple wishes that overspilled from 11.59pm ytd haha xD]
[kenneth for the second time]
7) mum
8) shaowei
9) celene
10) yiting
11) shinyi
[zongxian for the second time]
12) lisa
13) shihui
14) gwen
15) lyana [who just happened to be around when gwen asked 'ehh it's your birthday today?'; thankyou!]
16) esther
17) charisse
18) derhui
19) baifeng
20) gran
21)+22) my brothers!
[zongxian for the third time]
[zongxian for the fourth time, just for the fun of beating thomas at it xD]
23) ningyu
24) fangyi
[shinyi for the second time]
25) daniel
26) josh [who just came back from australia and dropped by just to say happy birthday to me(:]
27) raash

as shinyi put it,
shinyi loves *s, just like you! says (9:13 PM):
if i had so many people wish me happy birthday
shinyi loves *s, just like you! says (9:13 PM):
i think i'd faint

i'm really really touched- thank you; love you people!

for you made my sixteenth the awesome birthday that it is; <3
------
[/edit 230908]; belated birthday wishes!
28) jessica
29) chloe
30) dahwei

90 minutes.

2008-09-21T22:22:00.004+08:00

90 minutes.
that's how far i am from being sixteen.

in a way i still can't believe time has flown so fast; yet i know it has.

pity i can't have any major celebration tmr; what with options timings - shinyi, yiting and i all have options till quite late, and everyone else is caught up in mugging for eoys. but it's okay. i've already had four early birthday wishes [thankyou zongxian and kenneth and chewlin and ning, whose birthday is today haha] ohh waitwait make that five! :D i just went and checked my facebook account; and mr yeoh said:

'8:22pm Sean:
Hey. Happy sweet 16 tmr-in case I am unable to wish you personally.'

haha first time i've had a teacher say happy birthday in advance to me xD

i feel extremely loved already(:

but at least yiting suggested going out on wednesday instead; and i sure hope more people can go! and at least tmr shinyi and i are going shopping for fam, so it won't be that bad a sixteenth.

yayy. thankyou alotalot, all you people!<3>
sixteen's gna rock; yeah(:

three more days;

2008-09-19T18:17:00.003+08:00

three more days;
maybe monday isn't gna be as awesome as i wanted it to be.

i wanted to go out [who doesn't; on their sixteenth?] but it seems like our wonderful timetables are about to spoil my wishes. on monday i finish options at 2.55; shinyi at 3.55; yiting at 4.55. how on earth am i supposed to go out and celebrate like that? ._.

okay technically i can go out, on my own. i end sch early enough. but what's the point in that, honestly. maybe i should just face the fact that no one's actually going to be able to go out on monday. blehhh.

or maybe i just need a miracle. if only...
sigh ._.

15+361 = 16-5

2008-09-17T20:35:00.003+08:00

15+361 = 16-5
my last five days of being fifteen. and again, i say, time flies. so quickly.

this is honestly ironic; but i'm looking forward to sixteen as much as i'll miss fifteen.

sixteen = not a kid anymore, as someone said; and i'll love the freedom that comes with it [which i'm hoping my parents will give me], but it means that i'll have to face all the responsibility that comes from being older. though it's not as much as what i'll probably face even later on in life, thankfully.

i guess that's why being sixteen means so much to me. it's the turning point of life, in a sense. the point where you're old enough to say you've grown up, and yet not so grown up that you're saddled with all sorts of responsibilities and burdens. that's the best part.

being fifteen rocked; i'm hoping sixteen will rock even more(:

five days!
and he's sixteen and a quarter, exactly. today.

the beauty of snow

love the way you lie.

self-portraits.

mishmash.

[无话可说]

days of sunshine and nights of thunder;

disjointed images.

freeze fracture.

the pruning of the rose.

it's shining rain;

peeking into corners

pocketful of sunshine

absolute, humming silence.

on different ends of the rainbow

rosethorns.

freeze fracture

just another rambling rose

owl city manic.

looks like falling stars will just keep falling..

one summer's day

chocolate.

inkheart [encrypted]

peace.

it doesn't matter.

endless loop.

again.

wolfcry; [encrypted.]

of green tea.

phoenix waltz;

i know why the bright stars hide.

silence is golden.

little perplexities.

yeah, it's been one hell of a crazy weekend.

只为了你动笔

of giving and taking;

flamme immortelle.

ordinarily extraordinary

of glass flowers and real flowers.

untitled.

monochrome;

this is why thursdays are good;

monday blues.

before i go insane, i just had to get this out.

because you loved me(:

ups and downs; the roller-coaster of life.

speculations, speculations.

CNY! :D

the empty void-

auditions.

oh no, another one?

nyps chalet!

firefly.

boredom, and the absence of iTunes.

resolutions.

Potterphilia.

amusing.

Christmas wishes.

beyond comparison.

because i got bored...

beijing!

to beijing! :D

maybes and what-ifs.

just a random thought.

sure feels like something's missing..

FAM! [and farewells.]

indecision.

so long, farewell; it's time to say goodbye.

70 questions.

because i'm bored (and i don't feel like studying chinese now)

more random post-paper-checking happenings!

of kids' names and math lessons.

results.

of exams.

yet another random meme.

random meme again.

officially sixteen!

90 minutes.

three more days;

15+361 = 16-5